Thursday, January 31, 2008

Presence

"When I am tempted to complain about God's lack of presence, I remind myself that God has much more reason to complain about my lack of presence."

Initially, when I read that statement, I interpreted it legalistically (e.g. "You're not spending enough time in prayer or Bible study."). While that is partially true, that is a narrow definition of "presence." Do I expect God to only be present when I am in prayer, Bible study, or at church? That is PART of the equation, but certainly not the whole.

To think of "presence" relationally I think about being engaged both emotionally and physically. I can be physically present at home but tune everyone out via television, reading, or getting on the internet. In essence -- ignoring my family with whom I am physically present.

I don't like it when it seems like God is ignoring me. I also know how often I ignore Him. As life is being lived with the presence of the Holy Spirit within me, I ignore His voice. Ironically, that's one more thing that requires His attention in me and mine in Him to overcome.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Lights Out

My alarm sounded at 6:30 AM yesterday morning. Actually, it was 6:20 because I'm one of those people who believes in the self-deceptive notion of setting your alarm clock ahead 10 minutes to get you out of bed faster and earlier. I hit the snooze (self-deception doesn't really work). I awakened spontaneously at 6:40 (real time) but didn't know it was 6:40 because our electricity had gone out. Thank God for creating the iPhone and my incredible wife for giving me one because I was able to use it to check weather and time. The bright screen display served well as a flashlight until I could find a real one. I also used this nifty iPhone to call my mother-in-law to ask if she would watch the local morning news for any possible school closures or late starts. There were none. I looked out all the windows at the homes around us and realized it was not just our home that had lost electricity. I could see candle light glimmering in the hazy bathroom windows of a couple of neighbors and felt better knowing we weren't the only ones. Existential group therapists call this a sense of universality (e.g. recognizing you are not the ONLY ONE who suffers from the same affliction).

So, I spent the morning getting ready with the aid of a flashlight. Shaving was a real adventure! Clothes had to be the ones that didn't need ironing and figuring that out in the dark is quite entertaining. Seth was sick and Laurie was staying home with him so I had to be extra careful and quiet, too so as not to wake them. I went out on the back porch to see if by chance I had actually left some fire wood underneath where it would be dry and my family would not freeze. I got bundled up in my coat and went out to the garage to find my gloves in case I had to gather wood from the bottom of the pile. Fortunately, there was wood! Unfortunately, the starter log was barely staying lit. I tried tissue paper, but it was quickly burnt and did nothing to the starter log. I sat there in front of the fireplace attempting to "will" the fire to accelerate and wondering what "plan B" might be (lighter fluid maybe? Mmmmm... naw!). After starting the other end of the log, the fire finally took shape. Keep in mind all this was being done in darkness and early dusk with only my flashlight to guide me. Seth was awake by this time and asked if he could blow on the fire. I let him.

As I was getting ready and starting the fire, all these realizations came to me like, "I can't make coffee!" and "Oh, man, the garage door has to be lifted manually!"

The sun rose and it was now about 8:00. There were 3 electric company trucks in the street, and approximately 30 minutes earlier I had received a phone call from our across the street neighbor telling us they had power. The other homes in the neighborhood still had no illumination (I'm still not the only one suffering!). So I go out to the garage. One must understand that our suburban BARELY fits in the garage. There is no room to go behind it and unlatch the garage door, so I have to crawl around the front of the vehicle over stuff that has accumulated, unlatch the garage door from the electronic track, and lift the heavy door open. As I make my way back to the door to our house that leads into the garage, I notice the battery for my drill on the charger. I also notice that there is now a little green light indicating the charge is complete. Wait a minute! A little green LIGHT! I did a double-take and then walked up to the house door and next to the door is the doorbell looking thing that is pushed to raise the garage door. It now has it's red back-lights illuminated and I notice the house next door now has it's back porch lights illuminated. I walk into the house knowing I need to go back out, shut the garage door manually and make sure the latch fits just perfect in that little slit that keeps it on track. As I enter the house I hear my son LAUGHING and telling his sister, "... and Dad just raised the garage door manually!" Thanks for sharing in my suffering, son.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Not So Much...

I fully recognize that January is half over. I also recognize that this post is nearly 2 months after the last post. Both of these recognitions are reflective of my New Year's resolution.

As I pondered the traditional resolutions - losing weight, getting in shape, being more consistent with spiritual disciplines, blogging more consistently -- a flaw in much of our thinking this time of year came into focus. It seems most of us believe that in order to have self-improvement, we are to "DO" more. This insight became most clear as I started planning for my resolutions. Trying to find time in an already stretched schedule just created more stress.

Therefore, it is my resolution for self-improvement to do nothing new. When I can exercise, I will. I will continue to eat the same way I have been. I will not look at the date of my last blog posting and compare my inconsistency with those who blog nearly every day. One thing I will do is relax (e.g. do NOTHING) with my family. I will continue to enjoy the presence of God through prayer and personal study without the notion that I need to do MORE. I will do less in order to become more.