The Pursuit

Fast - Days 5 and 6

2011-11-29T13:07:00.000-06:00

Day 5
The fifth day, was a Sunday. Since we all went to SS and church, the first part of the day was busy and there was not much down time to make my wandering mind available for the FB compulsion. The after noon and evening was spent setting up Christmas decorations inside the house. Afterward, Laurie tagged me in another status and I wanted to go check it.

I find myself still rationalizing getting on before the one week limit with excuses that are actually valid. I have a FB friend who has sent me private messages when he is struggling and I wonder if he has sent me a message, and I have missed the opportunity to be available for him. That is the most persistent thought.

Day 6
My first traditional day back at work and I must say, I was more industrious. The compulsion is still there after session to "cool down" and regroup by checking FB, but I have not given in to the compulsion. I find myself glancing at other people's phone screens when they are on FB or Twitter.

I recently read an article that linked an increase of Narcissism to social networking. That actually makes sense because we assume that people are interested enough in us to care about what we are having for lunch or what we are craving. FB is centered around the self. I hope to get beyond that. Although I will be getting back on FB after the 7th day. I will attempt to be more purposeful in my posting and diligent with my time.

Fast - Day Four

2011-11-27T14:04:00.000-06:00

I awakened this morning to learn that the NBA lockout is ending. This news made me want to check Twitter because I follow many NBA players and ESPN broadcasters, and I wanted more information - more firsthand information. But, I remained begrudgingly faithful to the fast.

There were many plans made for the day that mostly included decorating the house inside and out for Christmas. The weather was cold and EXTREMELY windy to the point of being unable to even keep the storage building's door open with 3 of us out there trying to keep it open and unload decorations. So, we quickly decided, it would be a bad idea to get the decorations out for the day. So, I spent much of the day doing laundry, reading, and grading. There were a few times I felt compelled to check FB or had a status idea, but the feelings and thoughts were fleeting. Then that evening, I got an email notifying me that I was tagged in a status that Laurie posted, and I really wanted to read it. My rationalizations increased and even as I compose this post, I am wanting to check FB on my computer and rationalize that I will just keep it off my phone. But, I've committed to a week, and I will attempt to meet that goal.

Fast - Day 3

2011-11-25T23:21:00.000-06:00

Today, I noticed not having access to social media more than the other two. The family and I shopped most of the day, and there were those times I was waiting that I am accustom to just pulling out the phone and checking. Also, posting the link to yesterday's post on Facebook made me more anxious to check because I like the instant gratification of being able to see "likes" or comments on FB.

Today was a good day to measure efficiency simply because we did not do much. I was forced to re-engage what used to be one of my favorite things to do -- people watching. I did not do more reading, but found myself watching television during the "down time."

We attended the Stamford/Albany football game tonight in the heavy drizzle and cold. I found it humorous how many people had their smart phones out in the wet weather and were checking FB or sending text messages.

Fast - Day One and Two

2011-11-24T20:07:00.000-06:00

I recently read an article that offered a challenge to take a fast from social networking. I decided to take the challenge. Yesterday, I parked in the lot of my work, opened my phone and deleted the apps for Facebook and Twitter. My thoughts are to see how much I have conditioned myself to check these sites, how much it has impacted by efficiency, to what degree I would have "withdrawals", and if I would be more socially engaged in my relationships.

I am not one who updates statuses multiple times a day, but I do check FB multiple times a day. If I do post an update, I find myself checking more frequently just to see if people have commented. Twitter is something I check 3 times a day.

Day 1: This day at work was an administrative day which seems more inclined for checking my sites. However, I found that I thought about it very little. I attribute this to the initial commitment to begin the fast and expect this determination to diminish along the way. I do find myself having thoughts/insights and thinking, "that would make a great status." Along the lines of efficiency, I found myself getting more work done. Withdrawals are not significant, and although I find myself more engaged or attempting to be, I find that many of those in my circle are checking Facebook and Twitter.

Day 2: I awakened this morning and fought the urge to immediately check Facebook. I thought about checking FB multiple times today (esp. when family members were discussing posts). In terms of efficiency, I got a large amount of papers graded and found myself taking breaks to check e-mail and "Hanging with Friends."

I would like to read more, and get more done around the house.

I don't know how long I will fast, but it will be at least a week.

If you are linking to this article through Facebook, I am automatically posting without getting on the site.

Sketchy Thoughts pt. 2

2011-09-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

"The Contemporary Christian" - John RW Stott

SUMMARY: The Human Paradox
The remainder of this chapter looks specifically and separately at the human paradox of dignity and depravity.

Dignity
In the "dignity" portion of this chapter, he focuses on humanity being created in the image of God and teasing out what separates us from other created animals. He outlines 5 distinctions: self-conscious rationality; ability to make moral choices; powers of artistic creativity; capacity for relationships of love; and insatiable thirst for God.

QUOTES I LIKED (in this section)
"We should be ashamed both when human beings behave like animals, descending to their level, and when animals behave like human beings, doing better by instinct than we do by choice."
Wow! That's a mouthful! I am so thankful that "self"-discipline is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, because it in many ways removes the notion that we are on our own to fix ourselves to become more like Christ. It is the very essence of Christ in us coming along side us to empower us to be like Him. So much of this discipline is reigning in the impulsive instinct that is in many ways animalistic, but also reigning in the "freedom of choice" to create "new instincts" (?) that nurture relationships "we are rebuked that oxen and donkeys are better at recognizing their master than we are, that migratory birds are better at returning home after going away, and that ants are more industrious and more provident."

Depravity
Stott bases much of this section on a teaching of Jesus found in Mark 7:

Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, 'Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. Nothing outside a man can make him "unclean" by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him "unclean"... For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man "unclean".

In comment to this passage, Stott provides four insights gleaned from this passage that Jesus taught: the universal extent of human evil; the self-centered nature of human evil; the inward origin of human evil; and the defiling effect of human evil.

COMMENT:
This issue of balancing dignity and depravity has been one with which I have been struggling for a while. For most of my life of faith, I have been emphasizing human depravity not only in myself but in humanity in general. Of course, it is much easier to believe the bad things about yourself, than it is to believe them about others. Recently, I have been exposing myself to more Christian humanistic ideologies and finding agreement with much of what they are saying. Then I am reminded of this passage of Jesus' teaching. Stott is "spot on" with his assertion that this is a balancing act. So much of the humanist approach is based on an ideal rather than a reality. The reality is that evil exists and people -- all people-- are capable of it.

Probably the "loudest" portion of this teaching for me is how we as Christians often get it wrong. We spend so much time focusing on what we are putting in our minds and hearts (which is important to filter!) but we neglect the "why" we are putting this stuff in our minds and heart. We demonize the medium rather than recognizing that it is a desire from within us that draws us to the medium.

Sketchy thoughts pt. 1

2011-09-02T09:36:00.000-05:00

I am trying to journal more and blog a little more, so I thought why not combine the two. These "sketchy thoughts" are acting as my journal where I include a summary and personal insights to what I am studying. This first one is an experiment and don't know if I am comfortable putting all this out in a blog format.

"The Contemporary Christian" - John RW Stott

SUMMARY - Day One
The first section of the book centers around the idea that the Gospel is both divine in origin and relevant to humanity. Therefore, Stott begins with an analysis of humanity. In the beginning of this analysis he confronts the "human paradox" of humanity's goodness and depravity by asserting that there are at least 3 reasons it is important to ask about human nature. These reasons are personal (a desire to know ourselves); professional (a desire to know those whom we serve); and political (shape our ideology -- method of engaging the world). Stott concludes this introductory section seeking a balance in the paradox illustrated with a quote from J.S. Whale that directs the remainder of this section, "neither the easy optimism of the humanist, nor the dark pessimism of the cynic, but the radical realism of the Bible."

QUOTES I LIKE
"The universal cry is 'Who am I?' and 'Do I have any significance?'"
Coincidentally, this quote stands out to me for both personal and professional reasons. Personally, the latter cry is one that I have on a consistent basis. I want to know that my existence is meaningful. This desire to be a tool of change and healing does is not completely as noble as it might seem at first reading. I certainly do care about those in my life whether it be my family, friends, clients, and acquaintances, but there is also a selfish secondary gain that comes with that usefulness. That gain validates my own value. A friend once told me that he learned "no one is irreplaceable" and while he was speaking about a professional context, I fear it may be true of me in all contexts. Therefore, there is a part of me that believes my value is based primarily on the service I can offer. Furthermore, if that service ceases to be as consistent or valued, those in whom I am invested, will seek those services elsewhere. This mentality is fear-driven rather than love-driven. I live some of my life out of fear, and perform well, so that I can avoid the reality and intensity of that fear. So I have to come to terms with the reality that confronts my theology. This is my own human paradox. I know and understand the ideal that "we love because God first loved us" and "perfect love casts out fear", and much of the time I believe (or hope that) I serve out of those realities. However, there is another side of me that is seeking to validate or earn the blessings I have been given. I fight against grace.

"'ideologies... are really anthropologies'; they are different doctrines of man."
Paraphrased, "how we view the nature of humanity determines how we engage humanity." On this front, I am confident that I can see the value and worth of other people. As noted above, at times I have a hard time applying that same notion to myself.

Double Standard?

2011-08-31T18:28:00.000-05:00

TLC is broadcasting a new show aimed at changing the perception of "plus size women" called "Big Sexy." Now let me be clear, that I have no problem with the concept of this show and believe women should not be judged by their appearance, but there seems to be a little bit of a double-standard implied in this show. Watch the commercial below to see if you can pick-up on it.

Apparently, it is important for society to change their perception of women and to have a television show that demonstrates that all sizes of women can have fun and get attention from men, but the men whose attention they seek and value are all chiseled and fit. Now, I'm not saying "fat people should only date fat people", or "skinny people only date skinny people." I am not that shallow. However, I do think there is a message being sent to men in this promo that basically says, if you want attention from any woman you have to be in good shape and attractive. Hmmmmm, sounds strangely familiar.

Irby Vaca Day 4

2011-07-05T09:18:00.001-05:00

If I could plan the perfect birthday for my amazing wife it would include these elements: family, fireworks, baseball, and country music. She got it this year and the planning was not even up to me.

Emily planned out a great day for us starting with a great lazy morning. Well, for most of the family. Emily, Nece, and I went to a local trail for a morning workout. Emily is a runner and I have been pretty consistent on my eliptical the last few months, so I thought I would try running with Emily. I warned her before leaving and a couple times before we started that I was not a runner and I am just going to try and keep up. Nece has foot problems so she knew from the start that she was going to walk and not run. Emily assured me that she was taking it slow because she is just now getting back into running. Her plan: walk for first five minutes, run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute, and run 3 more. So that amounted to 5 3 minute running intervals 3.5 of which I was able to complete. And I was reminded why I don't run... I hate it. Emily was kind and made excuses for me such a adjusting to the humidity. Thanks Emily. Nece actually pushed herself and ran some.

We came back to the house after a quick jaunt to the grocery store and Laurie, Wanda, Brooke, and Nece worked on cooking a big breakfast featuring Kyle's chocolate gravy. The rest of the morning and early afternoon was lazy. Which was good because the rest of the evening proved to be fun but exhausting.

Late afternoon we headed to St. Louis for a quick look at the Arch and then to Busch Stadium to watch the Cardinals beat the Reds. It was a great game! We almost missed it. When we got to the stadium, Emily realized she forgot the tickets. It is at tjs point of the post Emily expects me to rail on her and condemn her for being so irresponsible, etc. but she did a fine job of doing that to herself already. We managed to find out that they can reprint our tickets easily with the credit card that purchased them, but we didn't have that either. So after a few minutes of guessing rows, quoting payment prices and other details, Emily was able to get our tickets reprinted thanks to a very kind window worker named Malcom. Kudos to Emily and Malcom!!

After the game we headed back to the Arch and caught the last half of Montgomery Gentry's concert. My view was somewhat obstructed by a couple obviously madly in love and in their own little world. They were in a long embrace singing all the songs to one another and kissing at every pause in the lyrics. It was disgusting.

After the show the REAL show started. A fantastic fireworks display like none I have ever seen. It was a great way to end the evening. Too bad it didn't end there. We had to hike back to our vehicles among thousands of other people most of whom were drunk and stoned. We caught plenty of wife's of an illegal substance as we were walking. The ironman award goes to my mother-in-law, Wanda who never gave up on all the walking and hiking throughout the day. She even climbed over a cement baracade to get to our exit down to our cars.

Well that sums up day 4. Day 5 is driving for 13 hours and paying more damn tolls through Oklahoma. I am typing this travel log from my iPhone so, please excuse any spelling errors. A few pictures will be added at a later time.

Thanks for reading!

Irby Vaca Day 3

2011-07-03T23:05:00.000-05:00

Day 3 was quite an adventure! The day started off well with a refreshing morning of worship with Lifepoint which is the church in which Kyle serves as youth pastor. The church meets in an AMC movie theater and it is quite an effort setting up the stage, lighting, band, etc. every week. I have never visited a non-traditional church like this and had a great experience being welcomed and ushered into worship.

After a quick trip back to the house, change of clothes, and a bite at Taco Bell, the family all headed to St. Louis City Museum. The term "museum" is not indicative of the experience. This is a huge warehouse that has been artfully transformed into a recreational experience that is quite incredible. Be sure and wear your Nike's and not your flip-flops! You will do some walking, climbing, and sliding in all sorts of environments. The kids, Kyle, Emily, and Brooke were on the roof experiencing that element of the museum when it shut down because of this strange wet substance that came falling out of the sky. The locals here called it "rain." Those of us from West Texas have only heard rumors of this moisture. It rained all day and into the night.

Another quick trip and wardrobe change later and we head to Brussles, IL to a historic hotel that now serves a huge home-style meal. To get to Brussles, we drove "the Great River Road" which was a breathtaking drive with the Illinois river on one side and rolling, green landscapes on the other. This trek takes you through small communities with quaint homes and cottages that seems to take you back to a simpler time (until you look to the left and see the Yacht Club dock). To get to Brussles you get to drive on to a ferry and take it across the river. The ferry captain was quite skilled at getting this vessel turned and parked. The 5 miles from the ferry to the town reminded me of the shots in New Zealand that were used in the Lord of the Rings movies to depict the Shire. While waiting on the ferry to come pick us up and take us back, we notice a local man fishing right in front of the ferry dock. This guy was getting lucky! In about 10 casts, we saw him pull out 8 fish. I was wishing I had my line and tackle and share in the festivities! Seth was drooling with anticipation.

STORY OF THE DAY: Apparently, everyone loved the late night Lisa's run last night, so it was decided before heading home, that we would make another trip to the ice cream stand. While waiting in line to order, we see this red Grand Am being pushed by this man and a woman behind the wheel. The natural assumption was that he was pushing her to the gas station. As they passed, I thought, "How embarrassing! I would hate having to push my car in front of all these people staring at me like I'm some pathetic idiot." Then they turned off the main street and up a residential street which led me to realize that they were going to push this car to their home. This residential street was up-hill and I knew this guy would never get the car up by himself. Kyle, myself, and some other guy in line rush up to help him push the car up the street. About 50 yards up the street, the man tells us that it is probably going to be about 4 blocks to the woman's house. At this disclosure, the stranger, departed citing his food in the car and potentially melting ice cream. Kyle, myself, and the original car pusher continue to push the car and it becomes clear this house was a little farther than 4 blocks (try 1 mile!). The original pusher guy stops a couple times while we were pushing and is breathing and wheezing and saying he needed a break. He tells Kyle and I that we are welcome to leave, but we weren't about to leave this guy to die in the street from a heart attack or some other malady. Fortunately, Emily followed us in her Tahoe and when we reached our destination, she gave us a ride back to Lisa's.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: The man on the ferry who was in charge of opening the gate and directing passengers off was not in a good mood. He was avoiding all eye-contact, frowning, and sluggishly bringing himself to his post. Apparently, in the other car, his demeanor became the subject of comment and Seth said, "Well I guess he should've gone to college, then!"

Irby Vaca Day 2

2011-07-03T09:29:00.002-05:00

Travel Log for Day 2 is being written at the beginning of Day 3 because last night was a late night for this old guy.

Day 2 started by all who could sleep late, sleeping late. We made our pilgrimage to one of St. Louis' most renowned barbeque joints, Pappy's Smokehouse. This place has only been around for 5 or 6 years, but in that time it has gained quite a reputation. The plan was to leave the house by 10:30 so we could arrive a little early to be in line. Even though we arrived right on time, we still waited in line for about 20 minutes in a hallway leading into the actual restaurant, and then another 15-20 to order. The good thing is the food doesn't take long to be delivered and it is well worth the wait. Before we made it into the restaurant the line had already wound the hallway and out the door. If you have never been, you have to order the ribs. It's their specialty. Ashton had a brisket sandwich which was also very good.

After eating, the shopping began. We have learned that for shopping days, it is a good idea to take two cars so that the ladies can stay as long as they want and the men can leave after the first hour. The ladies stayed shopping at 3 different malls for 8 hours. The men went back to the house, napped, swam, and watched a little Cardinal baseball.

At 9:30 PM we all thought it was just about the right time to go have ice cream. The Parkers know a great little ice cream stand (locally known as Lisa's, but the sign out front says "Dairy Mart") that closes at 10:00. So, we went and closed the place down. The owners drove off and bid us farewell as we sat in the dark at their picnic tables. We arrived back at the house and began planning for the day. I'm still not quite sure what we will be doing.

STORY OF THE DAY: Leaving Pappy's we were following the ladies (first mistake) who took us downtown St. Louis on the way to the mall. We ended up in a parade. I sent Laurie a text and said, "Just roll down your windows and wave!" I also recommended that we open the sunroof and let Laurie's uncle Tommy stick his torso out and wave. He didn't think that was a very good idea.

The ladies have more stories about their day. You'll have to ask them.

Irby Vaca Day 1

2011-07-01T22:13:00.000-05:00

Well we did it. Six of us piled into our suburban and drove across Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and into Illinois. Twelve hours in the car. Laurie was the trooper who drove most of the way because she can get easily car sick if she attempts to read or watch a movie. So, instead of being bored, she drives. The reason for our trip is to drop in on Laurie's cousin Emily and her husband Kyle who live in Granite City, IL. We are excited to be here for the first time since they moved here 4 years ago. Wanda and Jerry have visited once prior, but were glad to join us. Tommy, Nece, and Brooke met us here so we are all together under one roof. Should be exciting.

Story of the day: We were driving through Oklahoma and Jerry and Wanda recommended we stop at a McDonald's located on a turnpike on I-44. This particular restaurant has been there quite a while because Laurie remembers eating there MANY years ago on the way to Branson. The plans to stop there began being formulated in Lawton, OK and it was decided that this restaurant is between Oklahoma City and Tulsa. Well the road from Oklahoma City to Tulsa came and went with no McDonald's. So, SURELY the restaurant is "right up here." Well over 50 miles fly by and still no McDonald's. We are now all getting really hungry and our bladders filling up at a rapid rate. The McDonald's turns up 3/4 of the way from Tulsa to Joplin, MO. Now, I am not a huge fan of McDonald's, but I had never been so happy to see a set of those golden arches in my life!

What I learned:

Oklahoma is a GREEDY state! All the way up the interstate were toll roads, two of which were $4.00 tolls. We spent nearly $20 to drive through Oklahoma and the roads were still crappy.
The landscape on the drive was beautiful! Even Oklahoma had small mountains and green rolling pastures. Missouri is incredible from Lebanon, MO on up to St. Louis. Wonderful green contoured landscape and TREES. Things we are not used to seeing in our part of Texas.
The movie "Where the Wild Things Are" is worth a viewing. Very interesting take on the children's book. This was my viewing entertainment for the day. I am still reading "The Idiot" as well.
We stopped at a DQ in Lebanon, MO and I have never seen so many white people working at a DQ.

Oh, well, off to bed and in the morning the real adventure begins!

Coincidence

2011-05-18T10:06:00.000-05:00

Toward the end of this semester of the Life Span Development class I teach, we were discussing Erikson's middle adulthood stage of Generativity vs. Stagnation. Simply put, it is in this stage that 40-somethings begin to reflect on their life and see what kind of legacy they are leaving behind. As a part of this discussion we address the existential issue of meaning. Since HSU is a Christian University, as a part of this chapter I introduce the notion that the idea that "everything happens for a purpose" might be a bit off-base. What I believe to be true, is slightly, but importantly different. I believe "from everything a purpose can come." I don't want to take too much time clarifying and explaining the difference (I already did that in a previous post a while ago). As I offered my reasoning for the difference, a student raised her hand and asked me if I believed the saying, "there is no such thing as coincidence." I thought for a moment formulating a response because I know how fervently some people can cling to such cliches as theological "shortcuts." I decided the best route to follow was the frankly honest route.

No, I don't believe that there is "no such thing as coincidence." Simply because of the absolute nature of the statement -- "NO such thing..." I understand and appreciate the sentiment of the cliche which is to illustrate how God can work covertly to bring about "divine appointments" that others might simply explain away as simple coincidence. It is the notion that every thing is connected and predetermined for a deeper meaning that only we can know in hindsight in this life or ultimately revealed to us in the next. Again, I take issue with the absolute nature of that sentiment. As an example, I shared how the other day my boss and I coincidentally wore the same color scheme to work (melon green polo shirt and khaki pants). We don't have a uniform at work and we didn't call each other and arrange to be "twinkies" it just happened by coincidence. To believe there is "no such thing" would be to assign some type of deeper meaning to the unwitting coordination of colors. I simply don't believe that to be the case. Therefore, I do believe in coincidence.

However, I have had experiences that many would chalk-up to coincidence that I believe is true to the spirit of that cliche. There have been numerous times I have had a random thought about an old friend or a former client who have not been an active part of my life for months or years and this friend calls out of the blue or the client returns to therapy within days of that seeming random thought. It is almost like retrospective foreshadowing and I immediately believe there is a reason and orchestration to this "coincidence".

God still works in mysterious ways.

Considering the Controversy

2011-03-15T14:49:00.000-05:00

If you have been paying attention to the latest news from contemporary evangelical leadership or even this morning's broadcast of Good Morning America, you have probably run across some reference to Rob Bell's new book, "Love Wins" in which he is purportedly said to "come out" as a universalist. Most of the attention he has received from Christendom has been sweepingly negative with the likes of Al Mohler and John Piper "writing him off" and bidding Bell "farewell." It should be noted that in the most general sense the term "universalist" is one who believes that on the Day of Judgment all will ultimately be redeemed and, in essence, "hell is empty." Universalism has a long-standing place in Christian history and my friend, who happens also to be a distinguished Baptist theologian, Steve Harmon has written an invaluable piece dedicated to the historical context of universalism and how the church as responded to such doctrine. I recommend anyone desiring to make an informed assessment of Rob Bell and his latest work, to first read this post by clicking on Harmon's name above. I do not wish this post to be an apologetic for Rob Bell, universalism, or his book "Love Wins." I do, however wish to use this controversy as a spring board for discussing critical thought with regard to teachers, preachers, Christian authors and the individual Christian's response to those with whom he/she might differ.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me first state that I am not a universalist and I can certainly understand how adopting such a doctrinal stance can detract from the theology of grace and redemption which I hold dear. Also, it should be noted that I have been a subscriber and faithful listener to the Mars Hill podcast for the last two years, have used many of his Nooma videos to enhance my teaching adult Bible Study, and am an aficionado of Bell's book "Velvet Elvis."

In light of this disclosure, let us move forward considering the more broad issues. First, allow me to suggest that Christians as well as non-Christians should read first-hand what a purported false teacher has to say rather than relying on the interpretation of others to make his/her determination. Those of us from a traditional Baptist flavor would do well to revisit the doctrine of the priesthood of the believer (1963) which can be loosely applied here.

Additionally, there is no Christian teacher, preacher, or author that is without critique. One should not simply listen to, or read one person's teaching and fully adopt what is being said without careful scrutiny. One guideline for discernment is found in the Apostle John's first epistle (1 John 4:1-3) where Christians are challenged "not to believe every spirit, but test the spirits to determine if they are from God" (NET). The only criteria posited in this passage is examining what the teacher says of Jesus -- is He the Messiah who has come in flesh and from God. Recognizing that this particular admonition was in specific response to the Gnostic teachers does not prevent this criteria to be generalized into current Christian thought. Specifically with regard to Rob Bell, I would be surprised to read him assert anything less about Jesus in this book if it is to echo what has been taught from his pulpit and stated in his previous texts.

Lastly, a question is posed: Should one doctrine (apart from the trinitarian theology) be a catalyst to completely dismiss one teacher's complete body of work as heresy? I don't believe so. Rob Bell, whether universalist or not, still has valuable insight into scripture and living the Christian life that is worth consideration. If doctrinal unity were the standard the Christian church would be regressing in its history by being most defined by it's division and disagreement than it's agreement. Should this standard be carried into Christendom we would have Baptists "writing off" our Church of Christ "cousins" because they believe in baptism for the remission of sins and Baptists believe in baptism because of the remission of sins. The comparative list can go on and on. Our history has shown this is not the way of spreading the love and call of Christ. And while we are on the subject, those who purport that Bell is not evangelical would be wise to watch or re-watch his Nooma video "Bullhorn" where he advocates for a more relational, rather than confrontational style of evangelism.

It is good for people to read and be challenged by those who hold differing views. It advances our cognitive abilities, stretches our understanding and conception, and can further solidify those beliefs we value. A consistent theme of critical thinking is learning to weed through the good and the bad. Personally, I believe Rob Bell has more good to share than heresy. I look forward to critically reading "Love Wins." I just downloaded it on my Kindle.

Love and Fear

2011-02-04T11:58:00.000-06:00

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19

“We love because He first loved us” – This is not the first occurrence of this phrase. The repetition of this idea means it is important. The tendency of many Christians is to interpret this notion as an obligation (i.e. Because he loves us we now HAVE to love others). It is His love that inspires us, it does not obligate us. It is His love that empowers us, because if we were to give our love it would be conditional and shallow. God’s love is unconditional and deep. If we truly recognize the depth of his love – that he would love me despite myself – I am going to want to share this love and acceptance to others. Love is the great equalizer, by recognizing God loves me despite myself, I recognize I have no room to not love others. I am no better than anyone else. Human beings are typically a fickle lot. We tend not to give ourselves the “benefit of the doubt” we give other people, but we also are guilty of thinking ourselves more highly than we ought. The psychological side of me understands that we take these vacillating stances of ourselves to avoid feeling anxiety or guilt.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” -- What keeps us from completely loving? Fear (a.k.a. anxiety). While this passage most definitely is social in nature, we tend to make the social focus more about loving the poor, needy, and those we find unlovable. This is certainly true! However, we must also keep in mind that this passage applies to our home; those closest to us. Fear keeps us from completely loving our spouse and children. Fear keeps us from loving those extended family members that have hurt us. The most common fears are: rejection, being hurt again, and losing control. These fears push people away from us, while love draws us closer. “Fear involves punishment” can mean that we fear punishment (e.g. being rejected and hurt) or use fear to withdraw love and inflict punishment. The effect is the same, creating emotional distance which goes against what we truly want which is to be loved and accepted deeply and unconditionally.

CLARIFICATION: I am not suggesting that we become “doormats” (esp. with regard to leaving abusive relationships).

More Than We Can Handle

2010-11-27T14:20:00.000-06:00

The following is an unedited copy of an article I wrote for the Abilene Mental Health Association's series on integrating faith and psychology that will be published sometime in December in the Abilene Reporter News. This subject has been a pet-peeve of mine for some time.

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I know why we do it. We know and love someone who is experiencing grief related to a death or surviving a trauma of some sort and we want to offer words of encouragement and hope to let them know we love them and are hurting for them. For many people, being around those who are hurting is an uncomfortable experience so they reach for something to say that might break the tension they feel. One of the most common offerings given to those grieving is common Christian clichés that many believe are grounded biblically and therefore can bring comfort. One of the most common clichés given is “God will never give you more than you can handle.” This statement is going to be examined along two levels. The first level is looking at the biblical basis for the cliché and the second is following the logic of the cliché and assessing whether or not we are expressing what is true and helpful to those grieving.

“God will never give us more than we can handle.” The only place in scripture I can find any semblance of support for this sentiment is in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that reads: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (NIV, emphasis mine). This text speaks of temptation and not trial. James’ epistle speaks of trials as a testing of our faith, not a testing of our own strength. The life of faith is a life to be lived dependent upon God’s work in and through us. In fact, it seems to be a central theme to the whole of scripture that God consistently gives us more than we can handle because when we recognize we cannot handle our circumstances, we are open to recognizing our God who can handle any and all of our suffering and pain. Consider the Old Testament account of the 12 spies sent to investigate the Promised Land. Ten of the spies returned discouraged believing the land would never be theirs as God had promised because the men were like giants. Two of the spies, the faithful spies (Caleb and Joshua) focused rather on God’s ability not man’s inability. The message of this cliché seems to be that it is God’s role to filter through trials, protect us against those that are too tough for us, and allow only those we are strong enough to bear. While God is in the equation of this cliché, the focus of the cliché is on us and our ability which, again, seems contrary to a life of faith.

Evangelist Richard Jackson has said that God often does not get enough credit for things he is responsible for, and often gets too much blame for things He is not. It is this sentiment that fuels my examination of these cliché’s. If we are to offer words of comfort, let’s make sure they are genuine representatives of God in our suffering. The place of God in our suffering is with us and in us via His Holy Spirit. In this example of God’s presence with us, that we can find how to truly be a comforter in the lives of those we love. Honestly, the best comfort most people can give is not in their words of wisdom, but in their presence. The Jewish people have a tradition of “Sitting Shiva” for those who are grieving. In this practice a person is simply being present. There is no pressure to speak or act, simply to be. The presence of one person who cares is more powerful than a book filled with clichés.

Raising a Teenager

2010-10-26T15:26:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine posted a link to an article on parenting teenagers that for some reason "struck a nerve" with me. The article is an interview with psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel with regard to her new book "The Blessing of a B Minus". I would link to the article here, but for some reason my blogging skills aren't that developed.

I felt compelled to organize my mixed responses to this article, so, as a result, I offer the choppy, rambling, responses below in terms of my agreement and disagreement with the psychologist interviewed.

AGREEMENT:
“Parents should not shield children from mishaps, but teach them to learn from their experiences.”

“Parents should be less obsessed with achievement and college applications and more tuned in to enjoying their teens.”

“If a teen’s job is to take out the garbage, parents can’t complain if they act sour about it or roll their eyes and stamp their feet. You can’t ask for both doing the job and doing it nicely.” COMMENT: Parents must “pick their battles” with teenagers and often the foot stomping or eye-rolling derails compliance with the task because parents choose to be corrective about those undesirable responses. I take issue with the semantics of her statement: parents CAN complain and CAN ask for both doing the job and doing it nicely, but it depends on what your desired goal is, and how that standard is set. Fussing and complaining about their fussing and complaining sends the wrong message.

“We are raising them to leave us.”

“They have to do really dumb things to get smart.” COMMENT: So, in following this logic, kids who do REALLY dumb things will become REALLY smart, but this just isn’t true. Teenagers don’t HAVE to do really dumb things, they CAN learn from the mistakes of others. However, the lesson might be more potent to those who experience it first-hand, and yet those who experience it first-hand might be immune to the lesson. It is up to parents to help their teens navigate through and to the lesson learned.

“The way to make it easier is be alert without alarm, be observant without prying or spying, and be compassionate but not too enmeshed.” COMMENT: It has been a contention of mine that parents should trust their teen up to the point the teenager gives them a reason not to do, so. Privacy is a privilege to a teenager, not a right. The major point in this quote is MODERATION and I believe this is a good “default” for parents who are tempted to vacillate between extremes.

“Delight in your kids. Sit down to Shabbat dinner, light candles, and say what you’re grateful for… and no one can look at their iPhone! Make sure you protect Shabbat dinner the way you protect math tutoring.” COMMENT: Great principle for Jew and Christian and all those in-between – it’s about relationship and valuing and capitalizing on the time shared together. As parents of teens know all too well, time together is less the older they become.

DISAGREEMENT:
Without going into the disagreements quote-by-quote, I can summarize my disagreement by explaining that teenagers do need to experiment and be encouraged to experiment as a means of establishing their own identity (as rightly suggested by the author and proven in the research of James Marcia), and teenagers will by virtue of their still-maturing prefrontal cortex make boneheaded decisions. It is the parent’s role to help the teenagers navigate and even engage in preventative planning for that experimentation; teaching them wisdom, forethought, and emphasizing godly virtues/values not out of a legalistic mindset, but one of seeing God’s plan “for us” not against us. Teenagers should be encouraged to THINK and PRAY rather than just experiment and regret. Those regrets will come as a course of life. A part of raising our children to leave us is teaching them how to minimize the boneheaded choices and how to glean wisdom and maturity as a result of those that will inevitably come.

Never Be the Same

2010-03-28T22:43:00.000-05:00

I believe it was the spring of 1990, I was a junior in college and one of the professors (that I considered more of a mentor) recommended attending a retreat called "This is The Life." The purpose of this retreat was to explore and illuminate truth of "Christ in you, the hope of Glory." I remember much about this retreat, the location, much of the teaching, and even the name of the main speaker/pastor. However, the one person at this retreat that had the most lasting and recurring impact on my life was the somewhat awkward but pleasant worship leader. His name was Kevin Walker. I don't remember any of the songs he sang, and honestly, his voice was not one that impressed me. What did impress me was the joy in which he not only led in singing, but engaged me and others around him.

Two years later, I went to serve as a Youth Pastor at the East Side Baptist Church in Haskell, Texas. I quickly found out that like most churches there was always that "one" youth minister that seemed to be legendary. East Side's legendary youth minister happened to be Kevin Walker. While this church had a history of high turn-over in youth ministers, Kevin was one that not only served for a stable and consistent period of time, he was infectious. People young and old were drawn to his joy and his love of Christ. For the nearly 5 years I served at that church I often felt the weight of his shadow and was honored when positive comparisons were drawn between he and I.

Because of this connection through East Side, our paths crossed on many occasions and I had the pleasure of not only just "hanging out" with Kevin, but being led in worship by him. Those of you who know me well, know that I am not a mystical or an overly emotionally driven person when it comes to issues of faith. With that clarification in mind, I can honestly tell you that there was something unique about being led in worship by Kevin Walker. The only word that can describe it is "anointed." As he sang and led us to sing, my soul was stirred. It is rare to encounter this. It is not the emotion of sentiment driving it, or even the "hook" of the music. It is the genuine outpouring of the Holy Spirit from Kevin to those being led. I have no other explanation.

Last Sunday, after awakening and getting ready for church, I checked my email. I received an message from a friend informing me that Kevin had lost a long, hard-fought battle with cancer. I had known of his illness and prayed for him, but honestly believed he would be healed -- that the medications would have their desired effect, or a miracle would occur. In a way, a miracle did occur. Kevin is now face-to-face with our Savior. The one of whom he sang, is visible to him.

My Facebook status that day read, "I know one day I will be able to worship with Kevin Walker again, but until that day, my heart mourns." My heart does mourn. As I sat down to this keyboard to compose this post, I had Kevin's latest CD playing. The song was "Never Be the Same." While I know Kevin was singing about how an encounter with Christ leaves one different, I could not help but think how Christ in Kevin has left me to "Never be the Same."

Brickwalls and Trampolines

2009-09-25T09:21:00.006-05:00

I learned a long time ago, but not soon enough, that debate and dogma bear very little fruit worth consumption. I used to be the guy who would welcome the Mormon and Jehovah's Witness folks into my home so I could argue with them about how wrong they are in the hopes that my strong argument would somehow win them over to my side. What I realized in every instance was that they were as passionate and steadfast in what they believe as I am in what I believe. Now, don't interpret what I'm writing to be a relativist acceptance of all religions as truth, just an observation that all religions have passionate followers and debate does nothing more than solidify people in their belief. It had the reverse effect of what I was hoping for. Just like the parent of the adolescent who forbids his/her son/daughter from dating someone. So, I have given up on passionate debate. Until the other day...

I got rooked into one of those stupid "comment" debates on Facebook over a couple of people's assertion that pastor/teacher/author Rob Bell is a heretic. Notice in this case it was not someone from a DIFFERENT religion which makes this all the more sad. I won't bore you with the details. The summary of the exchanges is that I was simply trying to note that I had been listening to Bell's podcasts for over a year and never heard anything I would consider heresy. This other guy, (we'll call him "Dwayne" because I like the way that name sounds, say it out loud, "Dwayne!") chose to make his argument about the "postmodern movement in Christianity" and the need for its demise and the advocacy for more apologetics. "Apologetics" is Christian code for "debate." Fortunately, when I realized his over-generalization, I stopped commenting because it was getting off the point. The point being, one man, one fallible man, doesn't seem to be teaching heresy. I am not and do not idolize or hang on every word of this man. I find him engaging and his perspective fresh because he and I agree that increasing debate will only increase division (within our own faith) which does nothing but distract from doing good (Eph. 2:8-10) and decreases our efficacy in society as a whole.

Just as with every debate I have ever been in, the result was further solidarity to my view point and while I had only listened to Bell and never read any of his books, I ordered Velvet Elvis on my Kindle and have begun reading. In his first chapter, Bell uses two metaphors to illustrate the two sides of this Facebook debate. In speaking of doctrine (which is important but not more important than the object of that doctrine)Bell writes of trampoline springs and brick walls. One is much more flexible and pliable than the other and there is room for growth. The other is inflexible and unmovable. Those in favor of brick walls make faith about doctrine and derive meaning and confidence in their inflexible doctrines. Bell notes that walls have to be defended and when was the last time anyone had to defend a trampoline. Trampolines are about enjoying and inviting others to enjoy. A defensive faith is not a welcoming faith.

All of this is summed up in the famous words credited to St. Francis of Assisi, "Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." I want my life and how I engage this world to be my witness, not my defenses. I want to spend more time jumping and inviting others to jump, and less time dividing -- especially among our own faith. I want to be the guy who welcomes Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses in my home for a cup of coffee and conversation, not an argument.

Hope

2009-07-18T09:08:00.002-05:00

I have to admit that I am somewhat of a Facebook addict. Having the application on my iPhone makes it easy to check my friends status updates multiple times a day. Lately, it seems, many of those updates have to do with children and other loved ones suffering along with a request for prayer. I found myself overwhelmed by feelings of grief for those suffering and really struggling with my own fears for my family. As I prayed for many of those and being honest with God about my subsequent hopeless feelings, he led me to consider that my confidence and hope is in hope. I want to feel hope so I'll know there is hope. Then I heard myself talking to clients about not letting feelings determine what you believe to be true. In short, I cannot hope in hope. My hope is in Christ, the True One.

Some times hoping in Christ doesn't feel good.

Some People...

2009-06-11T09:15:00.005-05:00

Saturday I decide to mow the yard. I'm one of those weird people who actually like to mow the yard (esp. on my John Deere "garden tractor"). Nothing runs like a Deere, right? Well, unless the deere just dies on you for no apparent reason 10 minutes into the mow. I pull my little pick-up over to the deere and jump start it. No problem. Until 30 minutes later when the deere dies again and now, the sucker won't even try to crank. Pushed the deere over to a place where I could pull the pick up over for one more try. No luck this time. So, I do what all people who were raised in the city by two women and marry into a farming family do... I call my father-in-law who is on the REAL tractor planting cotton.

We (and I use this plural pronoun "we" loosely) couldn't figure out what the problem might be. I decide to try a new battery. The deere is used and is a 1999 model there was a little corrosion on the positive side of the battery so I thought might as well get a new one. The battery that was on there was a DieHard 27135 Golden Garden Tractor battery. Yeah, I know meaningless to me, too. But, I did know that "DieHard" meant Sears because of the commercials. So I head over to Sears thinking it would probably be best to get the same battery than risk me making a huge mistake and purchase the wrong one.

I took a picture of the battery with my trusty iPhone so I could have the model number and started looking on the racks that displayed "Golden Garden Tractor" batteries. I can't find the model number and notice two workers discussing inventory one giving orders and the other taking them. So I approach them and ask if they carried a 27135. The one giving orders immediately looks away from me and starts working (he's obviously in charge) and the one taking orders just looks confused. He walks over to the rack and looks around (just as I had been doing for the last 3 minutes) and says, no we don't carry those. I offer a suggestion, "Maybe the model numbers changed. Do you think there is one here that replaced this model?" This guy hem-haws around a minute and says, I don't know. The guy in charge is obviously irritated with business being conducted in his store and bothering him from getting work done, sighs really big and says, "which one are you looking for? I used to work in lawn and garden." I tell him the model number and before I can finish (with a look on his face that can only be interpreted, "you stupid man, why don't you know these things" directed at me and not his employee) says, "They changed those model numbers you are either going to need a 27185 or a 27195."

I see both of these models on the rack. So I ask him what seems to be the next logical question. "How do I know which one I need?" Barely looking up the guy says, "I just told you." Hmmm, silly me. Not wanting to bother the guy any further, I explain that I have the old battery in the truck, so why don't I go get it and see if I can figure it out. He says nothing and "Little Johnny Order Taker" is standing there nodding his head that this is a good idea.

I bring in the battery and match the size, unit number, and one other number with the 27185. When I get to the counter 15 feet behind me, the manager guy and Little Johnny are no where to be found. There is no buzzer "ring bell for service" so I wait a little bit thinking foolishly that Sears would make taking my money easy. I walk around the corner and ask another worker in hardware if I could get some help in automotive. Walking back around the corner with Hardware Guy, Little Johnny appears and offers to go get manager guy. Manager guy comes out of a room behind off behind the counter where I am convinced manager guy has been sitting watching me from a security camera hoping I would just go away and let him get back to stocking batteries.

As he is getting the register ready to scan and take my money, I thought foolishly I would try to make small talk, so I explained how I came up with the 27185. Manager guy looks doesn't miss a beat and says, "yeah, just like I said." At this point I'm getting a little irritated so I thought a minor correction was in order. So I explain, "Well, I thought you said I needed either 27185 or 195." Manager guy says, "yeah, that's right."

I give up.

I take my DieHard 27185 Golden Garden Tractor battery home and install it on the deere. It still doesn't work. YES, I did match positive to positive and negative to negative.

Nothing runs like a Deere!

Good Book, Bad Movie, Better Understanding

2009-06-05T10:36:00.004-05:00

There are some good books that have been made into some pretty lousy movies. For example: "The Firm" = good book, bad movie; "Running with Scissors" = great book, lame movie; "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" = very interesting book, terrible movie I turned off 45 minutes into it; "The Kite Runner" = phenomenal book!, haven't seen the movie but CAN'T be as good as the book. The list could go on, and on, and on. To the people who have never read the books, the movies might be great, but there is little disagreement if you are a reader, that the book is nearly always better.

Why is that?

There are several reasons people can give including trying to narrow down a 500 page book into a 2 hr. (these days 1.5 hrs at twice the cost - but lets not go there!) movie, and the beauty of imagination versus interpretation on screen. As I reflected on my own reason for disappointment with movies over books, I realized that one of the aspects of books that establishes intimacy and meaning between the characters and the readers is the insight the author gives to character motivations -- Understanding why they did what they did. The movie watchers don't get that privilege and often are left somewhat confused just seeing the behaviors on screen without the benefit of knowing what lies underneath that behavior.

This is true with couples and families as well. Often we are left simply watching our spouse's (or children's) movies -- confused and often making incorrect assumptions that can lead to tense situations. Many arguments can be avoided simply by asking, "why" or "what were you thinking?". Even better, we should be able to offer to our partners some insight to our motivations and thoughts. Allowing others to "read our books" can lead to better understanding and deeper intimacy.

Abuse...

2009-03-25T21:53:00.002-05:00

My apologies to all who make attempts to read my blog and are disappointed with the infrequent updates. I was feeling guilty about not posting anything for 5 weeks, so I thought now would be a great time to provide you with another installment of my Mental Health Matters article regarding the effects of abuse. Hope you guys find this helpful and informative. I will try to be mroe consistent.

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Last installment we examined the multi-faceted reasons why some children who are sexually abused seem to have more intense and pervasive effects from the abuse and why other children seem more resilient. This month we begin taking a look at what some of those effects can be. Just as the factors leading to these effects are multi-faceted, these impacts are multi-demensional. Also, keep in mind that the effects mentoned are possibilities and not all survivors of abuse will experience all of the signs or symptoms detailed in this and subsequent articles. Although we are going to be examining these demensional impacts in separate articles, they are connected. We know that how we think and what we believe influences the way we feel and how we feel influences our behavior. Therefore, we begin our discussion with the cognitive or mental impacts sexual abuse can have on it's victims.

Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the more widely known residual cognitive manifestations. Flashbacks can be triggered environmentally or experienced as unexpected seemingly spontaneous intrusive thoughts. The most common environmental triggers are associated with sight and smell. Seeing the abuser (or even someone resembling the abuser), visiting the location of the abuse, and encountering odors assocated with the abuser or location of the abuse are obvious triggers. More subtle triggers are assocated with other senses such as hearing certain phrases, voice tones, inflections, and encountering certain textures. Flashbacks are generally experienced in one of two ways. Either the survivor experiences memories of the abuse like a terribly vivid movie playing in their mind or they have a memory that causes them to consider all the ways they could have done something differently further exascerbating the harmful myth that they had a role in perpetuating the abuse. Nightmares are an issue that deals with the unpredictable and irrational subconscious and therefore, difficult to have truly insightful comment. Therefore my input here is fairly limited. Nightmares can have varying degrees of frequency and intensity. Some experience recurrent nightmares (the same nightmare over and over) while others have different nightmares that reflect or distort what they encountered. Some antidepressant medications such as Cymbalta have been associated with more vivid and realistic feeling dreams. Please consult your prescibing physician if you have questions related to medication side-effects.

Beliefs that survivors of abuse develop about themselves and the world around them are other devistating cognitive impacts. Consider for a moment your own experience of sitting in a restaraunt and noticing couples or families sitting together and seemingly enjoying a meal. It is most people's natural tendency to assume the best about those whom we observe. We assume the couple are happy and in love or that the family is healthy and stable. Between the ages of 10-13 children begin to develop more abstract, deductive, and inductive reasoning. Along with this deveopment the abused child comes to the correct understanding that his homelife and/or experiences are different than what he has seen on the Disney channel or read about in books. This child who is at school or other social places with peers begins to make the same asumptions as we do. However, these assumptions often lead to the distorted belief that no one else's home life is like theirs and therefore, they are different than everyone else. Being exposed to the trauma of sexual abuse often leads it's victims to believe that the world or certain aspects of it are untrustworhy and unsafe. This is especially true of the child who is abused by a parent or other family member who is "supposed to be" trusted. It is these core beliefs that the child develops about themeselves and the world around them that lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, shame, and guilt that will be explored in this article next month.

Joaquin Phoenix

2009-02-12T15:09:00.006-06:00

I think Joaquin Phoenix is one of the best actors out there. Phillip Hoffman, Edward Norton, and Christian Bale are better, but Phoenix was fantastic in "Gladiator" and "Walk the Line." He seems to have abandoned acting in pursuit of a Hip Hop music career. However, he has a movie coming out this weekend called "Two Lovers" and is making some junket apperances promoting it.

Don't know if you guys caught this interview on Letterman last night, but it is one of the most uncomfortable things I think I have ever watched. There are rumors that this may be a "prank" and this whole idea of having a Hip Hop career is going to actually be a "Spinal Tap" style mockumentary movie. But I dont' think so. Would love to hear your thoughts after you watch...

Mental Health Matters

2009-01-28T11:53:00.003-06:00

A good friend of mine is the Executive Director of the Mental Health Association of the Abilene area. Back in November he asked me to consider writing a series of articles (one a month) for a local publication to inform the public on the possible effects sexual abuse can have on it's victims. Having worked for three years at the Regional Crime Victim Crisis Center, this subject is close to my heart. I thought I would begin posting these articles on this blog. This is my first article which was actually published in December.

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It seems the sexual abuse of children is an epidemic in our society. This evil respects no boundary of gender, race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status. The Mental Health Association of Abilene recognizes that thousands of people in the Big Country have been impacted by this epidemic. Therefore, Executive Director, Kirk Hancock commissioned the penning of six articles over the course of six months for the purpose of educating the general public regarding the potential developmental impacts of sexual abuse on its’ victims.

When approaching the discussion of this subject, it is important to note that there are no standard or predictable outcomes and some seem to adjust better post-abuse than others. For the next five months, Mental Health Matters will have one article highlighting how specific dimensions of a person can be impacted by sexual abuse. These articles will take a “shot gun” approach to describing potential impacts. It should be noted that not all survivors of sexual abuse will experience all the effects discussed and the intensity with which others endure their respective impacts will differ. Therefore, it stands to reason that we first answer the question of what factors influence the intensity of the adverse developmental impacts on a child who has been sexually abused.

The duration and frequency of the abuse is one important component to consider. Some children experience the abuse on a daily, weekly, or monthly frequency for a duration of months or years. Others have endured less chronic or isolated instances of abuse. It is this latter group with the least amount of susceptibility to adverse consequences down the road.

Another consideration is the kind of abuse perpetrated. Those survivors with the most intense developmental impacts are those who sustained penetration orally, anally, or vaginally. The invasive nature of these acts adds to the already deep sense of violation both physically and psychologically. Sexual abuse can include less invasive, yet still horrific, forms such as manual stimulation and groping over the clothes.

The response of adults to the child's disclosure of the abuse is another vital piece to understanding the resilience of some abused children. Common mistakes parents and other significant adults make when a child musters the courage of disclosing the abuse are not believing the child, blaming the child, or defining the child by the abuse. The lack of support, blame and even punishment of the child can have just as devastating impacts as the actual abuse.

Other factors include the age and temperament of the child, the presence of violence or intimidation along with the sexual abuse, and the relationship of the abuser to the abused.

While there is nothing positive about an abusive situation, there can be a "best case" scenario. Bear in mind, even those who come from a "worst case" scenario who access quality professional help and have a solid social support system can not only survive, but thrive.

Ejected!

2009-01-11T20:23:00.003-06:00

I got kicked out of a Middle School gym this weekend.

This weekend my daughter's team played in an 8th grade basketball tournament in Sweetwater, TX. They played two games on Friday night and one early Saturday morning. Their first game was against Midland Christian School who has a 6 foot 8th grade girl on the team. The Jim Ned Lady Indians (JNLI) eeked out a 1 point win against a competitve ball team. It was fun to watch! Then fifteen minutes after their first game, JNLI had to play against the host team the 8th grade B Team of the Sweetwater Lady Mustangs. This game was NOT fun to watch. In fact it was horrifying!

After the game, as we discussed what it was like, the consensus was that it was like watching something out of a bad prison movie. I have never seen any team so inappropriately aggressive as the Sweetwater 8th grade B team. Many of the JNLI parents passed comments back and forth through out the game wondering if the JNLI coach would forefit and walk out at half time. It was literally that bad. My family and I happened to eat at the same restraunt as the team after the game and the coach told us it was one of the most unsafe environments in which she had ever been.

Half-way through the third quarter after 3 of our girls were injured, I noticed a man who seemed to be a school offical/administrator talking to the referees. It was my assumption that he was telling them to get the game under control and to speak to the Sweetwater coach about the chaoticly aggressive manner of play. The Sweetwater grils seemed to ease up in the 4th quarter. Through out the game I had been considering writing a letter to the Sweetwater ISD about how apalling this experience had been and I believe I am pretty good at composing rational, professional, yet direct correspondence. But seeing this man have this talk with the referees, I thought a face-to-face conversation would be appropriate as well, and he might be willing to receive it. So, I began to formulate my thoughts and strategy as to how to approach him without coming across as an out of control parent.

At the end of the game, I approached this man just after he escorted the referees to their changing room. I extended my hand, introduced myself by name and as a parent with the Jim Ned team. I then asked if he was indeed a school offical. He confirmed that he was a school official, and I thought the best means of begining this conversation was with a complament. So, I said to him, "I appreciate you talking to those referees during the game." The man smiled and nodded and basically said, "Yeah, no problem." Then I told him, "But sir, it should have been done long before the 3rd quarter because what was going on out there was apalling." Apparently, he didn't like this part. He asked me if I was a school offical and when he confirmed I was "just a parent" he got this dismissive expression on his face and said, "Oh, OK, OK, yeah, OK, thank you very much Mr. Irby for your comment. Thank you very much." and he started walking back toward the crowd. I walked behind him and was about to add my final comment which was going to be, "Someone should have a talk with that girls' coach about what she is allowing to happen on the court." I only got up to "girls' coach" when he whirled around, red-faced and yelled in my face, "That girls' coach is my wife!" He continued yelling, "You have just crossed a line! Get out of my gym and get out now before I call the police Mr. Irby!" "Don't you come back!" I told him I would be glad to leave and walked away. I later found out that my family thought the guy was going to hit me. I didn't have that fear because he had already threatened to call the cops, and knew he probably wouldn't risk an asault charge.

I went to our suburban and waited for my family to get there. I didn't know if they would be embarrassed, angry, or what. Turned out, they were glad I had talked with the man and for maintaining composure.

I understand the man being upset with me, but his behavior was extreme and completely unprofessional. I did not know the coach was married to the official, and I think if I had slandered her in some way, I should have been ejected. I was simply trying to follow what I thought to be the appropriate "chain of command" to have something done about the inappropriate aggression taking place on the court. While I know it is up to the coaches and referees to maintain order, when both fail to do so, I think it is the administrations place to step in and bring about a solution. This administrator had other viable choices such as continuing to be dismissive with me and saying, "OK, I'll be sure someone talks with her." or by simply telling me "Excuse me, that coach is my wife and I would appreciate it if you would keep your opinions about her to yourself." Either one would have been much more appropriate.

After our final game on Saturday (which I attended), the JNLI coach asked that we be "uninvited" next year. She clarified to the Sweetwater coach that this had been one of the most unsafe environments in which she had ever coached because apparently the A team had a similar experience.

I never thought I'd be ejected from a gym.

Sweet 16

2009-01-01T09:01:00.005-06:00

Today I have been married to my incredible wife for 16 years. The cool thing about being married on January 1 is that every new year together is literally a new year. There are "uncool" thinigs about being married on January 1. Such as the busyness of the holiday season interfering with a true celebration of the years spent together and the hit our budgets take at Christmas usually makes for anniversaries that are not marked with the kinds of gifts we would like to give. However, we do make time for a night out after the fact. Time with just my wife is something I cherrish and is increasingly more rare the older our children become.

One of the strengths of our marriage is that we have usually communicated about those important things. We talked and prayed about uprooting our family and leaving what was familiar in 2001 and beginning a very new and often stressful time in our lives. We have talked about the need to "go easy" on the anniversary gifts because of Christmas and the need to be sacrifical with some of our time alone to be more involved and devoted to our children during this important stage of their development. Now, that doesn't mean we always agree on everything, but one thing I can say about us as a couple is that in 16 years I don't remember either of us yelling and screaming at the other when angry. And believe me, I am not the easiest person to live with (no comments from the peanut gallery please). Respect and love for one another have been cardinal traits of this relationship. I cannot say thank you enough to her.

The apostle Paul reminds us if we are to boast it is to boast in and about Christ. He is the One I give the credit for these 16 years. It is his sustaining and overflowing grace that has brought us to and through all these years. He has blessed me with an incredibly kind, loving, gentle, extension of himself in Laurie. I cannot imagine life without her, nor would I want to. He teaches me through her on an almost daily basis. Plus, she is smokin' hot!

Sara B

2008-10-15T19:05:00.002-05:00

A while back during a visit with my brother and his family, my brother and I got into this discussion that caused us to sound like the stereo-typical old codgers. The subject of the discussion was music today. It was decided by us (which by the way is the ultimate authority) that there is no current group or artist that has grabbed us to the point that we want to just listen to their music over-and-over. There are no songs that captivate us to the point of wanting to listen to them enough where we can sing along. All the many factors such as quality of music to lack of beauty and theme were discussed which further solidified our opinions.

Then a few months later, I discovered Sara Bareilles. I heard "Love Song" on that Direct TV commercial and thought it sounded pretty good! Ashton wanted the single on her MP3 player, so I downloaded it for her and added it on my iPhone. I listened and loved it! Decided to download the whole "Little Voices" album and it is now in constant rotation on my iPhone selections. It has been a LONG time since I have encounterd a full album without a weak link. Bareilles' voice is rich and emotive. The music she has composed is down-right addicting. This is a great artist and a tremendous album. I want to hear and learn her songs (even though I have a very difficult time singing like a girl--no comments please!).

I think I'll buy a copy for my brother.

Small World

2008-10-05T16:24:00.006-05:00

This morning a good friend of ours, Dana, brought her mother to church with her. When introduced to me, she commented, "Irby? I knew an Irby when I was at school at North Texas State." Knowing that my father had attended North Texas State, I asked her if his name was, "Bob or Robert" she said, "No" and then explained that she dated this Irby for a while. Gaging her approximate age and thinking this coincidence, is too great, I explained that my father went to North Texas and was a music major. This jarred her memory and she said, "well, the Irby I knew was a music major." Turns out she did date my dad in college and journeyed with him and a quintet of singers who called themselves the "Dipsy Doodlers" one summer. This summer tour was one that my dad spoke of often with fondness. There is a framed black and white picture of him and the other "doodlers" in full hillbilly garb prominently displayed in his study. As we talked, she said that she had a print of the same picture. While musing about their summer, she commented, "I think we decided that we loved each other, but were not 'in love' with each other."

As we were all walking out of the room in which we were talking, Dana turns to me and says, "You know my mother was one of the 'North Texas Beauties' when she was in school." Way to go dad!

Oh, Please!!!

2008-09-23T12:12:00.005-05:00

Today, I had a rare opportunity to have lunch with my wonderful wife. It is rare more due to my schedule than hers. Since my morning appointments all canceled and/or rescheduled, it freed me up to do something I love to do.

On the way to her school, I was listening to Paul Harvey deliver the news. A mixture of emotions ranging from frustration, sadness, and disbelief manifested themselves as sarcastic laughter as I heard his proclamation that LifeWay Christian Bookstores has hidden the most recent issue of "Gospel Today" Magazine. To purchase this month's issue you must REQUEST it. Why? Why is a Christian magazine censored as if it were a pornographic publication? Because, the cover displayed WOMEN! Not women who are scantily clad or of questionable reputation. Women who dare to serve in the role of Pastor.

You see LifeWay Christian Bookstores is owned by the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC)and the ordination of women as pastor or chaplain is viewed as unbiblical and therefore doctrinally unsound. Therefore, the magazine cover and subsequent story of women who love God, love people, and spend time in prayerful biblical study and preparation before being God's mouth-piece is somehow offensive. Oh, Please!

A quick Google of the issue brought me to a pastor's blog who stated that he supported the SBC in this stance adding that "scripture is clear [about this issue]." Oh, Please! I'm sorry, but to believe that scripture is "clear" on this issue and on the side of the SBC's most recent revision of the Baptist Faith and Message is utterly ridiculous and it is a narrow interpretation of passages detailing the people to serve as overseers as "husband of one wife" and completely ignores the role of people like Deborah and Phoebe.

It embarrasses me as a Christian and as a Baptist to hear a story like this broadcast.

Let me be clear... LifeWay has the right to censor what resources they offer and where they place products based on their doctrinal stances. On some level, I respect the fact that they have guts enough to allow their convictions to determine their course (such is the life of faith). According to a loose and abridged take on the "priesthood of the believer" doctrine we have the ability to disagree on interpretations. There are more important issues about which we as Christians and Baptists should be proactive. Issues about which we agree. Issues that can lead to more healing and restoration rather than more division. Maybe, this posting does the same thing -- further widens the gap of division.

I should've just told you how awesome it was to have lunch with my wife on a Tuesday.

"Being" versus "Doing"

2008-08-26T08:46:00.004-05:00

As a church we are going through a bible study series called "Inside Out." One of the first studies focused on the difference between "doing church" and "being church." The obvious correlation to the theme, is "doing church" is what typically happens within the walls of the church (i.e. attending programs/meetings) and "being church is what happens on the outside of the walls (e.g. building relationships with unchurched and/or "least of these"). While I agree with the premise, I find it somewhat limited. First of all, I think we should "be the church" to those in the church. This can and should happen within the walls of the church. What happens when those "unchurched" start "doing church" and they find Christians who won't "be the church" in the church? For that matter, what about those long-time faithful who are hurting and seem to fall through the cracks because we are so busy doing church?

Here are a few more insights pondered as a result of the study:

1. When we talk about "being church" the focus seems to be primarily on others "out there" and we tend to forget that we need to be the church to our spouses and children before or as we are being the church to "them."

2. We discussed "barriers" that prevent the church or Christianity from palatability in much of society. There is a wonderful trend in evangelical Christian literature and teaching that is emphasizing the relationship style of evangelism versus the "hit and run" confrontation style that was so popular through the 70's, 80's, and early 90's. This trend also emphasizes the need to be salt and light in the world and the power of love over condemnation. I think of the ancient words of the Psalmist that Chris Tomlin integrated in to one of his songs, "It's your kindness, Lord, that leads us to repentance." This trend will remove much of the barriers history has given us.

I need to spend more time "being" (i.e. moving out the way and allowing Christ to emanate through me) as salt and light.

Random

2008-08-20T08:49:00.003-05:00

Just a couple random thoughts I had on the drive into work today.

1. I started an experiment to see how much slowing down on the highway would truly save on gas. Driving to work for me means about 18 miles, 15 of which are highway with very little traffic (i.e. no "stop-start" rush hours)and about 6 intersections off the highway at least 3 of which I have timed out to catch the green light. Prior to the experiment I was filling up with gas once a week - occasionally once every 8 days. Last Tuesday (8 days ago) I filled up after work. I have slowed my highway driving to 60 MPH from 70-73 MPH. Today I am still above the "half tank" (barely).

2. Dry cleaners who wish to save money yet still maintain a semblance of organization could e-mail claim slips to customers. Saves on paper and ink costs and provides the consumer with at least the idea that they will keep the order straight. I thought first about texting slips, but realized that would probably require development of new software and expensive computer upgrades. Surely there is a cost-effective, streamline way to e-mail them.

Prayer OF my Daughter

2008-07-31T11:34:00.004-05:00

The summer usually brings about the breaking of evening routines. Routines that I love, by they way, such as reading with my son and praying with my daughter. One of the common things my daughter says in her prayer (at least she did as of May)is, "please help my brother and me to get along better and not fight so much."

One would think that as a father, it does my heart good to hear this prayer and recognize that my daughter realizes God is her help and hope to become all that He wants her to be. This prayer warmed my heart for about two weeks. Then I recognized "it ain't happening..." the bickering, teasing, and annoying of one another continued at the same level and at times worsened.

This got me thinking about Ashton's prayer, her ever evolving theology, and how she might be interpreting the fact that there is seemingly no answer. The possibilities I considered are:
1. She believes God is not hearing her which could mean she believes God could be unfaithful.
2. She believes this whole idea of getting along with my annoying brother seems to be even out of the reach of God (which I sometimes find myself believing... ahem!).
3. She says to herself, "I say these words at night as a part of my routine prayer and never really think about it again until it is bedtime and time to pray."

Knowing that any one of those possibilities is... err... possible, and knowing that my son, too, had been known to pray this prayer, I decided to take advantage of a teachable moment. The next time they starting having a mild bicker (because a major one means "meltdown" and "I'm not listening!!") I reminded them how they have prayed this prayer and asked them why they think God hasn't done anything. They thought for a couple of seconds and shrugged. I explained that God was not going to magically place a heart of camaraderie in them, but that He is going to build this in them if they allow Him to do so. When you feel yourself wanting to retaliate and annoy, that is the opportunity to allow God to work. It will take time, it will take intentionality, you will not be perfect.

I wish I could tell you that they fell down, tore their clothes, sat in the ashes and grieved over their behavior and/or celebrated with great songs of praise at this new revelation of the goodness and faithfulness of God, but I can't. That's OK, with me. I trust that God will continue his work and I am well aware that there are still SEVERAL opportunities a day for this prayer to be answered. I believe it is happening.

This same kind of thinking is present in adults, too. It is seen in the frustrated couple who prays God will help them love their spouse again, yet continues in the same distant, dysfunctional interaction that does nothing but further estrange them. Or the person who prays for a new job and does nothing but wait for the phone to ring. We miss opportunities for God's work in us all the time. MY prayer is that I begin to recognize them more often in my life. God is faithful.

Well, Hello Dolly...

2008-07-24T22:11:00.005-05:00

Well, we just had a ill-planned trip. My brother's family and my family coordinate our trips to Harlingen (Christmas and Summer) so that we can all be there together. With our daughters in adolescence, the calendars fill up pretty quickly. So the only time we could all be together was SUPPOSED to be Saturday through Wednesday. It became clear by Sunday that we might have to leave a little sooner than expected because of a little hurricane brewing in the Gulf. By Monday, my step-mother was urging us to leave on Tuesday.

Judging from the initial reports on Sunday and Monday, I wasn't so sure we were going to encounter more than some harsh wind and rain and thought everyone was just a little paranoid.

We decided to go ahead and cut our trip short but not without going to our favorite Mexican food at Las Vegas Cafe. YUMMMM!!!!

I am glad we came back! My uncle and step-mother both had some damage and have been without power since 10:00 Wednesday morning. All are safe... Hot and bored... but safe.

Meanwhile, we had a great lazy last day of vacation yesterday while my family nearly blew away. Went to see Get Smart together ("that's not cheese!"). As we were leaving the theater, Seth offered his insight that it Get Smart was probably the best choice of movie for our entire family to see together since the boys didn't want to see Mamma Mia and the girls don't want to see Hancock. Dad is the only one who wanted to see Dark Knight. I still CAN'T WAIT to see it!!!

I liked having a day at home to recover from travel before going back to work.

Reaction

2008-07-18T09:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday evening, I came home from work, grabbed a quick snack and changed clothes to go mow the thick, lush grass that we had hydromulched in only 5 weeks ago. Of course, according to our water bill, it should have been lush and think or heads would roll... but I digress. For the last 20 years, I have only used a push mower because of the size of the lawns and a few weeks ago we purchased our first riding lawn mower (nothing runs like a Deere!). Along with the push mower came the necessary wardrobe of jeans and sneakers (or work boots). Yesterday, however, I made a conscious decision to start dressing differently when hopping on the Deere. I put on shorts, t-shirt, and an old pair of open-toe sandals. I stepped off the driveway into the thick, lush grass and IMMEDIATELY felt a sting on one of my toes like I have never felt before.

Before I knew it, I had dashed back on to the drive way, kicked off my shoes and was yelling, "OUCH!" a few times and louder than I ever intended. After I recognized how loud it was I was embarrassed and looked around to make sure no one was out in their yard to witness this display. I went back to the edge of the grass to see if I could see something crawling or flying away. I saw nothing.

I went into the house told Laurie about the incident and she gave me something to relieve the sting.

Returning to the job at hand, I backed the Deere out of the storage building and took it over to the driveway for some simple maintenance before trimming the thick, lush grass. I started to feel tingly all over and dismissed it thinking it would go away. I hopped on the Deere and started mowing realizing that the tingling getting more specific and moving up my body. Still, I was not too uncomfortable to be concerned. As I continued mowing, I began to notice that the area around my mouth started to feel numb and soon realized these bumps coming up on my arms that resembled small mosquito bites and knew I probably needed to stop mowing.

Laurie gave me 2 Bennadryl (sp?) and loaded the family into the suburban on our way to the minor emergency clinic. As we drove, I noticed those bumps and rash spreading along with the itching. I looked in the mirror and noticed my lips swollen to the point of looking like a character out of the Simpsons.

You know it is fairly serious when EVERY SINGLE PERSON at the clinic takes one look at you and immediately changes their countenance with looks of sympathy. The doctor walked in and within 10 seconds said, "Well, you certainly are allergic to something!" One booty shot and a Zantac later, the doctor says, "I want you to hang around a little bit to make sure." Discharge came about 20 minutes later with a little relief.

Next time, I'm wearing my jeans and work boots.

The Plight of Michael Scott

2008-06-20T08:40:00.012-05:00

If you are a subscriber to any social networking interface (e.g. Facebook or MySpace) and you actually read people's "favorites" inevitably you find a host of people who list The Office among their favorite television shows. I have to agree that the Office is one of the funniest shows on television. However, I was a late-comer to the "office party" (pun intended even though its not very funny). I first started watching The Office during lunch via Netflix "view instantly" feature on my computer. As with anything I enjoy, I find increased satisfaction by over analyzing characters or the reason why I like it or why I had certain emotional reactions to characters.

The one character I find myself drawn to out of all of them is Michael Scott. Steve Carrell plays this guy with absolute genius. Genius because he adds just the right amount of distortion on what is socially acceptable to make it hilarious. On the surface, Michael is a goofy, awkward, insecure, disorganized boss. Some might even characterize him as self-absorbed to some degree. I would have to disagree with that sentiment. To me the most defining characteristic of Michael Scott is desperation. Desperation does require self-focus to get that aching need met, but it is not self-absorbed. I love the episodes that have brief flashbacks to his childhood when you see this is not a new issue for him. Michael Scott is desperate for love; desperate for acceptance; desperate for relationship. Think about every irresponsible, annoying behavior we have seen in him. It is motivated by that desperation. Even his emnity toward Toby is due to the notion that Toby and his rules stand in the way of him being more likable and accepted. Most of the time this desperation is so strong that he actually drives people away rather than drawing him to himself (Phyllis' wedding anyone?).

Last night I watched a rerun (new to me!) of the episode where Jan sues Dunder-Mifflin and Michael has to testify at the deposition. In that episode we see Michael humiliated by both his company and his girlfriend. Yet in each case he returns to them not out of a particular loyalty, per se, but a loyalty based on relationship. Think about Michael's last comment to the CEO, "I like you, too." Not, "I don't mind taking this one for the team" or "Dunder-Mifflin is a company worth defending because their products are so wonderful." When faced with the betrayal of Jan giving over his diary, he isn't confident enough just to leave it with "I can't believe you gave them my diary" but adds, "I love you" at the end with almost a question mark of, "do you still love me even though I just expressed anger toward you?"

The flaw in Michael Scott's thinking is that he must be more, do more to be accepted. Being Michael Scott is not enough. What he doesn't realize is in order to find relationship, love, and acceptance it is not from focusing completely on your performance and how others interpret it, but on focusing unashamedly on the needs of others regardless of what others might think of you. It is taking "self" out of the equation. The Apostle Paul urged this of the church at Rome

Love must be sincere, Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted
to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be
lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord... Share with
God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. -- Romans 12:9-11, 13

We see in this passage that looking out for personal interests when forming relationships and meeting needs is empty. Too often we limit the application of this passage to those who are arrogantly self-centered. When service/love/ministry is motivated by desperation, the needs of the desperate one is actually the focus; the love is insincere. To sincerely love/minister to those who are in need is also an act of worship bringing glory to God.

I have to admit that at times I identify with the plight of Michael Scott. I think all of us do on some level because we are hard-wired for relationship. The example of Michael Scott should be kept at the forefront of my mind, to be so desperately self-focused works against the desire to be loved and accepted -- it pushes people away. To focus completely on others and Christ glory will draw others to Christ in me. Love must be sincere.

RIP Tim Russert

2008-06-15T18:40:00.003-05:00

Just in case you have not turned on the television or been on the internet in the last two days, you should know that one of the premiere political analysts/scholars died Friday afternoon. Tim Russert was probably best known as the host of Meet the Press. I watched that show nearly every week. What I appreciated most about Russert as a professional was his tenacity to have questions answered without being distracted by political double-speak and avoidance. I appreciated his research and preparation for a guest and how he would use their own words for or against them without adding "spin" or bias. While most people would agree he voted most consistently with the democratic party, he seemingly did so, not as a party loyalist, but because that was the party that most aligned with his values. You HAVE to admire that in a such a public figure. He seemed unimpressed with a person's fame or powerful positions and simply wanted truth. Even though he was tenacious, he was humble and respectful. Russert is one of those people that you simply notice is intelligent but not because he is quick to flaunt it.

As a person, I respected Russert's value of family. He only wrote 2 books and both were about family. As a self-proclaimed Catholic, he was devoted to his faith. He was an unashamed Buffalo Bills fan. He was the kind of person I would have loved to have lunch with or just share a cup of coffee. I will miss him in my living room on Sunday mornings.

Appeasing Brooke

2008-05-28T14:26:00.003-05:00

Here you go Brooke! I don't usually do these things, but since it came from YOU...

Rules of the meme:
1. Post these rules of the game first.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names. Then the tagger goes to the blogs of those who have been tagged & leaves a comment letting new players know they’ve been tagged. The tagger asks them to find the meme and instructions back at his/her blog.

What I was doing 10 years ago:
I was in my second year as Minister to Students at FBC, Brownwood.

Five things on my ToDo list today:
1. Deliver cases of soda to those who ordered for Ashton's fund raiser
2. See clients
3. Complete application for new board certification thing
4. Study/Review for Sunday morning
5. Have lunch with a friend

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Pay off debts
2. Set up a trust for the kids
3. Travel with the family (all around US and Europe; cruises!)
4. Put in the most wicked pool in the neighborhood
5. Build a few vacation homes (Colorado; South Padre; on a nice lake)

Three of my bad habits:
1. Getting on internet and wasting time
2. Over planning/filling a day
3. Black tar heroine (just checking to see if you are reading...)

Five places I have lived:
1. Harlingen, TX
2. Brownwood, TX
3. Eastland, TX
4. Haskell, TX
5. Abilene, TX

Five jobs I have had:
1. Worked in an afterschool program for kids 1st year of college
2. Wild Game (mostly deer, javalina, and elk) processor (really!)
3. Minister
4. Therapist
5. Adjunct University Instructor

I am ignoring rule #3. I am not tagging anyone. If you would like to participate, please feel free.

My Two Idol Cents

2008-05-23T08:36:00.003-05:00

I thought I would join the throngs of those blogging about American Idol results because is there really any issue of greater importance?

Just as Emily, this is my first time to ever really get into American Idol. I usually just watched the hilarious and ridiculous tryouts and the final two or three weeks. My two favorites were Brooke White and David Archuleta (DA). From the moment I heard DA perform John Mayer at his tryout, I said, "This guy is going to go deep into the finals!" As the season progressed I saw how all the tween and teen girls lost their sanity at the sight of him and factored that into his consistency of INCREDIBLE vocals and humility, I was convinced he was going to win.

During the first few weeks of the competition, I couldn't stand David Cook (DC). He seemed cocky and arrogant and had that annoying red streak in his hair that was obviously grown long to cover up a receding hairline. Then he performed his arrangement of "Hello" and it absolutely blew me away! Then he performed Billie Jean. Then he performed Elenor Rigby. Wow! I continued to be impressed with his ability to either arrange or find an arrangement of a song that completely suited his voice and style. He was still only a close 3rd to Brooke and DA.

It became apparent that Brooke was destined to be voted off. To me the most TALENTED of the bunch were Brooke White and DC. The one with the best vocals by far was DA. So, I was glad to see the showdown between DA and DC. DC actually became more palatable personality-wise showing some appreciation of DA and SOME humility. The final night of the competition, I thought DA blew DC out of the water. It is my belief that Simon's reaming of DC gathered the troops to vote more fervently for DC. So, I voted for DA several times because we have AT&T texting and it is free.

I have to admit that the 2 best moments of the final results show were DC and ZZ top (FANTASTIC!!!!!!) and Brooke White and Graham Nash. DC out performed DA in the final results show.

My preference would have been for DA to win, but I am certainly OK with DC. I will buy both CD's.

A Prayer for My Daughter

2008-05-19T20:50:00.008-05:00

On April 2, my daughter turned 13. That's 13 YEARS old. I'm not handling it very well.

I understand that this is just the beginning of many years where my baby girl is less and less a baby and more and more a lady.

To top it all off, on May 16 she had her first "date." Well, it wasn't a date, date. She went to a banquet with a boy and afterwards she, he, and all her friends stayed for a dance at which I don't think they ever danced together. I can handle that, OK.

These adolescent years are so critical, and I know she will be faced with choices and situations that will have a hand in defining who she will be.

All this has me thinking more and more of the lady I want her to become. I want her to be a woman of deep faith and love for God that spills over into her love for people. With all the choices she is facing I want Christ to be her first consideration and final word. There will be mistakes and there will be hard times. It is in those she will come to understand and appreciate grace. It is going to be difficult for me to see her hurt with her first heart break and struggle with regret.

I want to be the hands, feet, arms, and ears of God to her through all this to demonstrate our Father's love and grace.

As I was waiting for our Sunday morning Bible Study to begin, I was reading through the first chapter of Phillipians and ran across a passage that immediately caused me to think of my daughter.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in
knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best
and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of
righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ -- to the glory and praise of
God. (Philippians 1:9-11)

Paul sums up what I have in my heart for my daughter as we enter into this phase of her life. I want her love of God to abound through her increased knowledge and understanding of Him so that He will provide her witih the ability to make Christ-centered choices and ultimately point others to the same God she is following and loving.

I still can't believe she is 13... years... that is...

I've Got Issues...

2008-03-24T13:32:00.003-05:00

I debated on what to title this posting. "Bathroom Issues" and "Urine for Quite a Story" were other possibilities. Alas, I just chose to own the issues.

You see, I do have issues that involve public restrooms and urine tests (not necessarily at the same time). When it comes to the former, I have what can only be characterized as "performance anxiety." I may have to really use the restroom, but just as someone else walks in prior to beginning the task, the urgency immediately leaves me for another 30 minutes. If a bathroom is crowded, I am much more comfortable in the stall rather than at the urinal and if someone is WAITING on me, that pressure makes my bladder pressure far less. I'm not sure where this originated in my psyche, but I'm sure part of the puzzle includes my grandmother's childhood warning that most adults in public restrooms are probably child predators. Only, she used much more colorful language and somehow associated child predators with gay men. A crowded public restroom provokes much more anxiety in me than a gay man does.

Now the "urine test" anxiety is easy to trace. As a preteen (approximately age 12) I was going to have minor surgery which required the "pre-op" blood and urine tests. However, I was only told about the blood test. When I was handed the cup and told to "fill 'er up" I kind of panicked because I didn't have to go. In fact, I had used the restroom just prior to the test so it could be hours! So, as it happens, I stayed in the restroom about 30 minutes. About 15 minutes into it, I started drinking out of the faucet with still no luck. When the urge eventually hit me and I returned the cup, the nurse proceeded to kid me about how long it took which only exacerbated my embarrassment. Since that time, I have tried to be aware of when a urine specimen would be needed and drink plenty of water prior to the appointment which usually solves any potential problems.

Since I'm not on probation, parole, or drug-abuse recovery, I don't really have to worry about frequent urine tests. However, I did recently choose to get new life insurance which required a blood test. I'm beginning to understand now, that it is usually understood that "blood test" is code or shorthand for "blood and urine test." For some reason, most people fail to tell you that little detail as was the case this last week. I was told to fast in the morning so I did. My in-laws were in town and as I was leaving my father-in-law made a comment about having to "fill up one of those little cups." I again panicked because the appointment was in 15 minutes and I had no possibility of filling up on water. So, I did what any rational adult would do... I obsessed over it the whole time. Then when I knew the time was drawing near for the cup, I told the nurse about my issues. She handed me a bottle of water. I drank it in record time but now not only did I not have any pressure on my bladder, I was FREEZING which further expands my bladder. After Laurie went through all her questions and blood drawing, I decided I could give the cup a try. I was in there for what seemed like 20 minutes with the faucet running and focusing on distracting thoughts (like counting tiles, multiplication tables by 5's) but there was no hope felt. I exited the bathroom with an empty cup and asked the nurse if there was any possibility of coming back. She was only going to be in the office for another hour but she agreed and even gave me the vials so I wouldn't have to transport a sloshing cup in my car.

When I left the nurses office and arrived at my own office, I immediately needed to fill up the cup. I did. I returned the vials and then proceeded to have to pee every 30 minutes for the next few hours.

I've got issues.

One more thing...

2008-02-28T09:28:00.004-06:00

In my post yesterday, I did not address the issue of how my faith is influencing this opinion. I agree again with Christine that as followers of Christ it is imperative that we "care for the widows and orphans" and in today's society that includes equal access to health care. I filter this imperative with the understanding that God typically gives us a choice to obey or not to obey. There will be consequences respective to our choices. Therefore, since God does not force us into obedience, I don't deem it appropriate for government to do so with regard to this issue.

Let me again explain that I am not in favor of keeping the health care system the same, nor am I in favor of Canadian-style "socialized medicine" there has to be a medium-ground solution.

Healthcare...A Response

2008-02-27T09:16:00.004-06:00

A few days ago, I visited my friend Christine's blog where she discusses the issue of healthcare. I found myself mixed in my reaction to her opinions. Whenever this happens the analytical side of me (which unfortunately is pretty big) kicks in and I try to figure out why I had that kind of response.

The short version is that there were parts of her posting that I very MUCH agreed with such as the idiotic insurance system that will cover everything except those things for which you specifically need healthcare and charge not only the proverbial "arm and leg" but also the whole of your lower torso. An example is my own son who has asthma and when we attempted to get them independent health care, the insurance company said they would not cover any respiratory issues. Duh!

Another point of agreement was the inherent value of all children and the need for an egalitarian system for children. Having worked with people in poverty I also recognized that young adults who are not pregnant are one of the populations that seems to "fall through the cracks" of our current system if they are impoverished or even middle-class without employment benefits.

My main disagreement with Christine's position is the means to the end. While she never specifically comes out and says it, the clear implcation is that she is in support of any political candidate who will make this issue a priority which ultimately means a tax in order to fund the program. I fully recognize that my thinking here is somewhat idealistic because while I applaude Christine's willingness to make a sacrifice, and I would hope given the opportunity, our family would do the same, I have a problem with the government forcing people to contribute through a tax increase or new tax.

Surely, there is some kind of medium ground solution that would provide incentives to the public (esp. the wealthy and corporations) to contribute to such a program. Somehow making the process voluntary while at the same time appealing to those who may not be completely pure of heart. I also believe there is a whole lot of WASTEFUL spending that could be curbed and those funds could be used for important issues such as this.

I am not a politician, nor am I the son of a politician, so I don't have an understanding of the intriciacies of the possibility or probability of such a compromise, but I do agree with Christine that something HAS to be done. I am including a link below to her posting.

http://christinemoers.blogspot.com/2008/02/christine-on-issues-health-care.html

Appreciation

2008-02-20T13:01:00.005-06:00

I can't believe I am beginning a blog posting about American Idol... I have never been a consistent watcher of the show. I usually watch the auditions for comedic and voyeristic reasons, and then I'll probably watch the last few weeks. This season, I'm hooked. There is an incredible amount of talent, but there is only one contestant that truly has my attention. (However, I must also note, that no one has my vote because I'm just not going to pay for the text message. Call me cheap. I've been called worse). The one contestant that has my attention is 17-year old David Archuleta. Not only is he one of the top 3 in talent among the guys, he seems to genuinely appreciate this experience. He is confident but not arrogant. There is no sense of "entitlement" to his personality. David truly seems to be cherrishing this experience with humility. I find that refreshing.

I see the same kind of appreciation in professional artist/songwriter Taylor Swift. At this point in their careers, David and Taylor seem to be having fun and not being sucked in by the hype and/or success garnered them by the media and fans. I hope they don't lose it. I hope they don't believe the stories written about them and become full-fledge member of the entertainment industry complete with the attitude that common Americans are blessed to be around them and they now somehow deserve lavish gifts. I still want them to offer to pay for their meals and not expect for the tab to be written off by the restraunt because the establishment is fortunate to have them dine there. I hope they keep their witts about them and their egos in check.

I know its premature to count Archuleta among the ranks of Swift, but my guess is, he is going to stay in the competition a very long time and the innocense can be lost and entitlement found even in the midst of all the hype and success of the show.

I hate to see innocense lost.

Presence

2008-01-31T09:33:00.000-06:00

"When I am tempted to complain about God's lack of presence, I remind myself that God has much more reason to complain about my lack of presence."

Initially, when I read that statement, I interpreted it legalistically (e.g. "You're not spending enough time in prayer or Bible study."). While that is partially true, that is a narrow definition of "presence." Do I expect God to only be present when I am in prayer, Bible study, or at church? That is PART of the equation, but certainly not the whole.

To think of "presence" relationally I think about being engaged both emotionally and physically. I can be physically present at home but tune everyone out via television, reading, or getting on the internet. In essence -- ignoring my family with whom I am physically present.

I don't like it when it seems like God is ignoring me. I also know how often I ignore Him. As life is being lived with the presence of the Holy Spirit within me, I ignore His voice. Ironically, that's one more thing that requires His attention in me and mine in Him to overcome.

Lights Out

2008-01-24T08:56:00.000-06:00

My alarm sounded at 6:30 AM yesterday morning. Actually, it was 6:20 because I'm one of those people who believes in the self-deceptive notion of setting your alarm clock ahead 10 minutes to get you out of bed faster and earlier. I hit the snooze (self-deception doesn't really work). I awakened spontaneously at 6:40 (real time) but didn't know it was 6:40 because our electricity had gone out. Thank God for creating the iPhone and my incredible wife for giving me one because I was able to use it to check weather and time. The bright screen display served well as a flashlight until I could find a real one. I also used this nifty iPhone to call my mother-in-law to ask if she would watch the local morning news for any possible school closures or late starts. There were none. I looked out all the windows at the homes around us and realized it was not just our home that had lost electricity. I could see candle light glimmering in the hazy bathroom windows of a couple of neighbors and felt better knowing we weren't the only ones. Existential group therapists call this a sense of universality (e.g. recognizing you are not the ONLY ONE who suffers from the same affliction).

So, I spent the morning getting ready with the aid of a flashlight. Shaving was a real adventure! Clothes had to be the ones that didn't need ironing and figuring that out in the dark is quite entertaining. Seth was sick and Laurie was staying home with him so I had to be extra careful and quiet, too so as not to wake them. I went out on the back porch to see if by chance I had actually left some fire wood underneath where it would be dry and my family would not freeze. I got bundled up in my coat and went out to the garage to find my gloves in case I had to gather wood from the bottom of the pile. Fortunately, there was wood! Unfortunately, the starter log was barely staying lit. I tried tissue paper, but it was quickly burnt and did nothing to the starter log. I sat there in front of the fireplace attempting to "will" the fire to accelerate and wondering what "plan B" might be (lighter fluid maybe? Mmmmm... naw!). After starting the other end of the log, the fire finally took shape. Keep in mind all this was being done in darkness and early dusk with only my flashlight to guide me. Seth was awake by this time and asked if he could blow on the fire. I let him.

As I was getting ready and starting the fire, all these realizations came to me like, "I can't make coffee!" and "Oh, man, the garage door has to be lifted manually!"

The sun rose and it was now about 8:00. There were 3 electric company trucks in the street, and approximately 30 minutes earlier I had received a phone call from our across the street neighbor telling us they had power. The other homes in the neighborhood still had no illumination (I'm still not the only one suffering!). So I go out to the garage. One must understand that our suburban BARELY fits in the garage. There is no room to go behind it and unlatch the garage door, so I have to crawl around the front of the vehicle over stuff that has accumulated, unlatch the garage door from the electronic track, and lift the heavy door open. As I make my way back to the door to our house that leads into the garage, I notice the battery for my drill on the charger. I also notice that there is now a little green light indicating the charge is complete. Wait a minute! A little green LIGHT! I did a double-take and then walked up to the house door and next to the door is the doorbell looking thing that is pushed to raise the garage door. It now has it's red back-lights illuminated and I notice the house next door now has it's back porch lights illuminated. I walk into the house knowing I need to go back out, shut the garage door manually and make sure the latch fits just perfect in that little slit that keeps it on track. As I enter the house I hear my son LAUGHING and telling his sister, "... and Dad just raised the garage door manually!" Thanks for sharing in my suffering, son.

Not So Much...

2008-01-14T21:10:00.000-06:00

I fully recognize that January is half over. I also recognize that this post is nearly 2 months after the last post. Both of these recognitions are reflective of my New Year's resolution.

As I pondered the traditional resolutions - losing weight, getting in shape, being more consistent with spiritual disciplines, blogging more consistently -- a flaw in much of our thinking this time of year came into focus. It seems most of us believe that in order to have self-improvement, we are to "DO" more. This insight became most clear as I started planning for my resolutions. Trying to find time in an already stretched schedule just created more stress.

Therefore, it is my resolution for self-improvement to do nothing new. When I can exercise, I will. I will continue to eat the same way I have been. I will not look at the date of my last blog posting and compare my inconsistency with those who blog nearly every day. One thing I will do is relax (e.g. do NOTHING) with my family. I will continue to enjoy the presence of God through prayer and personal study without the notion that I need to do MORE. I will do less in order to become more.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-28T19:03:00.000-06:00

Whew! Thanksgiving was quite a holiday this year! We hosted about 26 people at the house and had PLENTY to eat. We deeply missed Brooke, Emily, and Kyle this year! However, what made this Thanksgiving unique was the work done outside of the kitchen. Laurie's cousin, Shane, is a gifted landscape designer working as a tree salesman at Fannin Tree Farm in the DFW metroplex. He was gracious enough to design the layout for our front landscaping. Not only that, but he rented a U-Haul, purchased the plants needed (including 3 big trees) and brought the plants down to us.

Wednesday, I had to work at my paying job so he and Laurie spent much of the day doing last minute stuff and working their tails off outlining the beds. Shane is a pro at running a Bobcat!

Thursday, Shane enlisted the help of long-time friend and fellow landscaper, Paul Wilson. It was COLD, COLD, COLD on Thursday, but Shane, Paul, my father-in-law, and I all layered up in clothes and spent most of the day doing bed preparation tilling in compost with top-soil, and other stuff like that. The landscaping day ended by planting the two big trees at the north and south ends of our beds. At this point it was actually snowing and neighbors would slow down and stare as they drove by watching the crazy people plant a tree in the snow.

Friday, that same group of folks spent Friday planting the plants, spreading mulch, and picking out flagstones (not in that order). It was cold, but not snowing at this time.

Saturday we were going to get concrete rock and spread it out in the neccessary places and place the flagstones. However, it was raining and it prevented us from doing so.

The majority of the labor was done and below is a slideshow which captures the nearly completed masterpiece designed by Shane and assembled by him, Paul, and a couple of rookies. It was a blast!

Create Your Own

God and MacGyver

2007-11-17T11:54:00.000-06:00

I heard a guest on a radio show the other day who was supposed to be representing the Christian voice of politics. Only the tail-end of the appearance was heard, but the part that was heard included a statement to the effect of “I believe that if people pray, God can orchestrate the circumstances so that His candidate is elected.” It was probably intended to be an affirmation of God’s sovereignty despite insurmountable circumstances, or the power of prayer, but it just irritated me. We are giving way too much to ANY political party or politician who claims to have the endorsement of God. Most candidates, if asked, would probably tell you that they believe they could be God’s instrument to bring about change in this country or else they wouldn’t be running. What if there are prayer vigils held all around the country and the candidate that is “supposed to be” elected isn’t? What does that say of God or of his praying people? Was it “lack of faith”?

I believe in the awesome power, provision and protection of God (how’s that alliteration for all my preacher friends!?). I just envision in it in a different way. Which is more amazing… orchestrating circumstances so that a specific person is elected, or still achieving your purposes despite whoever is in the Whitehouse? My vote is for the latter. There is more evidence both historically and biblically that suggests God’s work despite flawed leadership. It’s kind of like how amazed we could be with MacGyver who could pull off an escape with just a Swiss army knife, chewing gum, and a piece of string. My God is too amazing and too powerful to need any one person in charge other than Himself.

My Own Private Homecoming

2007-11-07T17:14:00.000-06:00

In keeping with my dad's tradition of getting together with college friends on an annual basis, I took a day to hang out with my good friend Kelly Wolverton. We stayed Sunday night at the "Heart of Texas Baptist Encampment" and spent all day Monday walking the campus of our old almamatur and seeing who we might run into.

Kelly is much more of an extrovert than I am, and during the years we were at HPU together, I was basically known as "Kelly's friend." He prompted us to go up to the School of Christian Studies and see on whom we could just "drop in." My first inclination was, "Why are we going to bother these people unannounced?" But I quietly followed his lead. Boy was I glad I did. The first person we saw in the door was a new friend, Rusty Wheelington, who is a Professor of Youth Ministry. He and I were acquainted last year at a conference and became friends. Then down the hall were two OLD mentors who are long-term youth ministers just up for a special class. When I was an undergrad, these guys would assist with a 2-week workshop and I had the privilege of hanging out with them outside of class. So to bump into them now and get to hang out with them for about 20 minutes was a great gift! With them was a man I respect and admire, Gary Gramling who is the director of the Master of Arts in Youth Ministry program at HPU. He was a former professor of mine in the early 90's, and friend when I served at FBC, Brownwood in the late 90's. His heart for God is tremendous and contagious.

Kelly, being the extrovert, invited the professors to join us for lunch at Gomez's! For those familiar with Brownwood, Gomez's needs no introduction. Those unfamiliar just know the term, "greasy spoon" does not even come close! Rusty and Gary joined us (check it out, I'm using their first names now!) but I was the only brave one to actually order Mexican food ("I'll have the #1... ALWAYS!).

I loved this day because the conversation was "all over the place" from light-hearted goofy stuff, to intimate sharing of internal struggles and desires for God's work.

Kelly and I ended the day visiting a 95 year old lady who is one of the Faithful at FBC, Brownwood. Her name is Pauline Moore, and we share a unique connection that developed through simple, short conversations when she would pass by my office at the church, or call to question why certain things were planned or conducted a certain way. Even with the connection, I still only call her Mrs. Moore. She has quite a life to share and actually a lot of life left for 95!

It was a great trip!

Those Crazy Kids!

2007-10-27T09:58:00.000-05:00

My daughter had a slumber party last night. They were up until 3:30! But they had fun. They also put together their own comedic skit and asked us to video it. Sooooo, being the kind and compassionate father that I am, caring for my children's ever-changing self-esteem, I'm posting the video on the internet.

Enjoy!

Flag Football

2007-09-30T16:48:00.000-05:00

Seth started his first-ever season of Upward Flag Football. His mom and I are OK with FLAG football because there is little chance of breaking growth-plates and that sort of thing. We weren’t too sure how he would like it. This is the first time in a while I haven’t helped coach a team he is on. Of course, it’s FOOTBALL so, what knowledge I have of the intricacies of the game is pretty much exhausted in 30 seconds. Basketball is another story. His team got pummeled 23 to 8, but he had fun. He actually had a stint as quarterback and threw for the team’s only touchdown. Below are some pics. Keep in mind this is “serious business” and it shows…

Oh, What a Day!!!

2007-09-10T19:54:00.000-05:00

Friday, September 7, 2007 will be forever etched on my memory. The most important reason for this remembrance is to give thanks for the successful results of my father-in-law’s prostate surgery. However, the events of the day leading up to this surgery were anything but successful.

My lovely wife had gone to Arlington Thursday with her parents so that she could be with them during the surgery. My assignment was to make sure the kids get to school, pick them up for the early release, and head up to Arlington to meet them. Seems simple enough.

The morning started leaving the house a couple of minutes later than usual to get my son to school. When I have both kids to drop off, I take him first, then my daughter. As I walk into the garage, my son exclaims, “Oh, dad! You have a way flat tire!” Needless to say, I changed the tire as quickly as possible, but I still got him to school about 10 minutes late. It’s now 8:20 and I have to travel about 10 miles to my daughter’s middle school and then drive into Abilene (approx. 20 minutes). I have an 8:30 client scheduled. They drive in from Sweetwater and never miss an appointment. I’m thinking they are going to be very upset with me. I call ahead to the secretary and give her the “heads up.” She kindly goes and explains the situation to the couple.

I pick up the kids and have researched places that might be able to fix a flat tire fairly quickly. I drove by one place on the way to pick up the kids and it had no cars out front and one in the garage. However, when I drove back to the tire store, there were 3 cars in front and 3-4 in the garage. Needless to say, the kids and I waited an hour and a half sitting on the floor because there were no seats available, to hear the technician tell me the tire was not able to be fixed. So, I had to buy 2 new tires – not in the budget.

We get gas, and finally get on the road 2 hours later than planned. About 20 miles east of Eastland, TX I’m driving in the left-hand lane with a pick-up in front of me in the right lane. I notice he has two oil drums in the back of his pick up and within seconds I also notice one the lids of those drums is flying off like a Frisbee out the back of his pick up and is headed straight at my car. All I can do is think, “I sure hope that doesn’t hit my windshield!” The lid dives down toward the asphalt and I think, “Oh good, I can just straddle it and drive right over it!” because there is no way to miss it. “Whew! Barely got out of that one!” Then I hear the sound of pavement scraping under my vehicle. I’m imagining sparks flying all around the bottom of the car and the possibility of us all blowing up. I knew if we blew up, my wife would kill me! So, I pulled over to the shoulder of the interstate, open the door, and immediately smell radiator fluid. “That can’t be good”, I think. I look under the front of the car and the barrel lid has wedged itself up under my fender and jammed itself into the radiator. I remove the lid, save it for evidence, and see fluid draining out rapidly. I exit the interstate and call my wife to let her know what just happened. I tell her I’m going to try and make it as far back to Eastland as I can because I have good friends in Eastland who would help us out. I get as far as the infamous “Ranger Hill” and my temperature gage hits the red zone and the caution light comes on telling me the engine is overheating. I pull out my trusty Palm Pilot and look up my friend’s phone number. I haven’t called them in a VERY long time. So long in fact, that I did not have the correct area code. I called information and got the correct number. I called the Whites – Ronald and Donna. Donna answers the phone it goes something like this:

Donna: “Hello?”
Me: “Hi Donna, this is Paul Irby.”
Donna: “Paul Irby! How are you?”
Me: “Well, I’m in a little bit of trouble.”
Donna: “How can I help you, Paul?”

I explain the situation to Donna and she immediately says she is on her way to pick up myself and my two kids. We leave the car because it’s parked on the shoulder and we don’t want to be in it in case a random semi-truck loses control and plows into the back of it. So there we are standing on a feeder road parallel to I-20 with our luggage. It was quite a sight! I couldn’t help but tell my kids what a great Christian friend Donna was to not even hesitate to offer help at the mere mention of “trouble” not knowing what kind of trouble it was.

Donna picks us up 30 minutes later and my daughter tells me Donna is her “most favorite lady ever!” She takes us to her home and asks her husband about a good towing service and/or mechanic. He gives her the name and I call them and they are more than willing to tow it in and fix it if they can.

Laurie arrives in Eastland about an hour and a half later. She hasn’t eaten since 9:00 AM and it is now about 7:20 PM. She had just sat down to supper at Abuelo’s when my call for help came through. We run through McDonald’s and eventually arrive at Arlington around 9:15. Her Dad was sitting up in bed and seemed to be doing great! Laurie also, had not seen her dad since he went in for surgery around 1 PM.

Saturday morning I call the mechanic/wrecker service and he tells me not only is the radiator severely damaged, but the lid shoved the radiator into our A/C compressor. Thank the Lord for insurance!!!

As we are telling everyone, what HAD to go right that day, DID go right. My Father-in-law had successful results from his surgery. Everything else went horribly wrong! However, I am quick to note that it could have been much worse. No one was hurt or killed. Our kids are safe. It’s not hard to see the hand of God even in the midst of disaster.

Turn Around, Don't Drown!

2007-08-19T12:46:00.000-05:00

It's flooding in North Abilene today. Fortunately, we don't live there anymore. We live in the rolling hills between Abilene and Tuscola. However, my wife's family has had a small lake cabin at Lake Fort Phantom since 1953 which is in the north part of Abilene and is catching most of the "run off" from other area creeks.

We were ecstatic this year when the rains came and the lake filled to capacity. Just last week we were at the cabin for a long weekend of fishing, skiing, tubing, and just floating around. The lake had overflowed the banks and barely into the back yard.

This weekend Abilene got much rain attributed to remnants of tropical storm Erin. We went out to the cabin yesterday to help get furniture and appliances elevated enough were flooding might not hurt them. We were too late getting there because my father-in-law and uncle-in-law (?) already had the work done. So, I pulled out the trusty digital camera and took a few photos. Below are some of them. You might be able to see the dock way in the background of a few of them. The lake is supposed to stop there.

More water is coming! Yikes!

(L-R) A view from the front of the cabin. Technically, the lake ends at a place behind the cabin not visible from this view. Seth is standing on the top step at the back door.

(L-R) Ashton is standing at the back of the cabin next to the "swamp cooler" that is usually a couple of feet off the ground. The kids are about 15 feet out the back door. Obviously, Seth didn't want to get his shorts wet.

(L-R) A closer view from the first picture. That cement square is the septic tank. When my father-in-law first got to the cabin (about 1 hour previously) it did not have water covering it. This last picture is again from the front of the cabin. You might be able to see the dock way in the background in the center of the picture.

Just wanted to add a picture of my wonderful wife!

Anger Management

2007-08-13T16:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was scheduled to teach the middle school boys Sunday School class. During the summer months we don’t have a standard curriculum, so we have some freedom to choose what to teach. I had recently viewed one of Rob Bell’s Nooma Videos that deals with the issue of anger and thought it would be a good discussion starter for us. The simplified overview of this video is that there are things worth getting angry over, anger can be channeled to increase peace rather than lead to destruction, and that Jesus was angry. I liked the fact that Bell didn’t use the money changers incident to illustrate Jesus’ anger. Instead, he focused on an account recorded in Mark 3 where Jesus heals a man on the Sabbath. In that story, Jesus was said to be looking upon those (who were trying to criticize and trap him) with anger. As I studied the issue of Jesus and anger, I came across His teaching in Matthew 5 – “…if anyone is angry with his brother, he will be subject to judgment…” The thoughts/questions occurred to me – Did Jesus sin by getting angry with these men? What about Eph. 4:26 “in your anger, do not sin”? and How does all this balance with what Jesus taught in Matthew 5? The insight occurred to me that I naturally read the Matthew 5 passage with the assumption that being “subject to judgment” is a bad thing and naturally leads to condemnation. Therefore, I interpreted this verse as Jesus saying, “if you are angry with your brother, you are sinning” which could be the implication, but the biblical context seems to lead in another direction.

Think about it. Anyone who is “subject to judgment” has the potential to be either convicted or found “not guilty.” With this in mind as well as the insights of Bell and my own understanding of anger in the psychological realm, what Jesus seems to be saying is that our episodes of anger will be scrutinized. The healthy or acceptable display is one that promotes peace and resolution rather than making matters worse. We cannot eliminate anger from our emotional experience. However, we can manage it in such a way that it is not harmful, destructive, and explosive.

Perspective

2007-07-30T11:40:00.000-05:00

It is amazing how emotional pain, anxiety, and anger can distort perspective. I deal with this on a daily basis with many of my clients, and from time-to-time I have to be my own therapist and “practice what I preach.”

My 20-year class reunion was a couple of weeks ago. I did not attend. However, I was sent a link to a MySpace profile that contained a slideshow of some of the events and people from the weekend. As I watched that slide-show, I felt a lump in the pit of my stomach. That same lump I felt many days as I walked the halls of my high school. The lump that is associated with feelings of insecurity and inferiority that began literally in the 3rd grade with classmates making fun of my stutter or my obvious lack of athleticism and chubby frame. The lump was most noticeable to me in junior high. I used to find lots of change and even a few dollar bills in junior high because I walked around with my head down and shoulders slouched in junior high not wanting to make eye contact unless absolutely necessary.

That lump was the beginning of the distortions for me and was tied to so many of those negative emotional experiences. I began to paint my high school years as “traumatic” and "uncomfortable" in my head. I looked at many of those pictures and felt the wounds from the past – the betrayal of a friend in the 5th grade, the condescending or indifferent interactions had with “the popular” crowd. Still many “why questions” unanswered. To be honest, I wallowed in this muck of self-pity for a couple of days. Then I realized that in actuality, most of High School was the source of a great deal of fun and fond memories. There is still no denying that elementary and junior high school were traumatic, but high school was overall a tremendous time where friendships developed, fun was had, and meaning was derived.

That caused me to consider what was different about high school than the previous years. The very real answer came that in the Summer prior to my 9th grade year, I surrendered my life to my Lord Jesus Christ. I can honestly say that my self-confidence and identity came in, and from, Christ (still does!). Those wonderful memories are inevitably tied to Christian friends and an active youth ministry.

Let me be clear, my relationship with Christ did not “solve all my problems” and magically heal all my insecurities but provided me with hope, strength, and resources to walk through all that stuff. As you can tell by the very nature of this entry, I still struggle with some of those things – self-confidence and insecurities – but through what Christ did and does in me “I’m not who I was.” I also owe a great deal of thanks to a few of my “OLD” friends (Lisa, John, Curt, and Cathy) who have made contact with me and through whom God used to bring things back into proper perspective.

Running with Scissors

2007-07-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

Over vacation I read the memoir Running with Scissors in which Augusten Burroughs recounts his tumultuous, sad, and frightening years between the ages of 12 and 17. When beginning the book, I likened it to Catcher in the Rye with a much drier whit employed. Essentially, the story has three main plots under the theme of “coming of age”: being raised by a bipolar mother; floundering between the mother and the bizarre “Finch” household after his mother signed over rights to Augusten; and Augusten being the victim of a sexual predator who lived in the garage behind the Finch’s house. The Finches are headed by the father, Dr. Finch who is the very peculiar psychiatrist of Augusten’s mother. As I continued through the memoir it became evident to me that Burroughs was recounting many of these memories with hindsight (factoring in information and interpretations he did not have at the time of their occurrence) which I deemed acceptable, because I think most of us would do that when writing about our childhoods. Continuing through the book, I had the fleeting thought, “this can’t be true!” but continued reading. I am a bit OCD about things that interest me, and because of this, after finishing the book, I did a Google search for critiques of the book and it’s author. I came across a January 2007 Vanity Fair article that interviews the 4 “Finch” sisters who claim they and their family were grossly mischaracterized by Burroughs. Immediately, I assumed Burroughs is another James Frey and was disappointed. However, as I read, the complaints that these siblings made had very little to do with the major systemic dysfunction that was so unbelievable (e.g. when you are 13 you make your own decisions and are offered support and enabling by Dr. Finch; sex between adults and children is acceptable).

I was a very vocal advocate of the professional castration of James Frey after he was exposed for blatant lies about his substance abuse recovery and literally applauded when Oprah confronted him on her show. The experience I had with Scissors forced me to question my consistency on the issue of creative integrity. Should I be as appalled by Burroughs as I was Frey? Why am I not? Is it because I connected emotionally with Scissors and not Pieces? So far, what I have come up with is that Frey made himself out to be hero and an “example” for those in recovery. Augusten made no such claim or characterization. He was just as screwed up as his “siblings” in some respects and he has enough veracity to expose it with such biting humor. If Burroughs made up ½ of the stuff in his memoir (which there is seemingly no evidence to support this large a percentage) it was still a horrifically sad and tragic period of his life. Even some of the more sensational situations were not denied by the family.

If you are an adult reading this blog, and you are not completely turned off by graphic situations and profanity READ THE BOOK. If you are not an adult reading this, please DON’T READ THE BOOK!

Here are links to the Vanity Fair article and Smoking Gun's exposure of A Million Little Pieces:

http://www.vanityfair.com/fame/features/2007/01/burroughs200701

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0104061jamesfrey1.html

Wanderings and Worries

2007-07-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

I’ve really been enjoying this journey through Yancey’s book on prayer. Some of my “unconventional” beliefs on prayer have been validated and my understanding of communion with God has developed further.

There have been times in my life where I have been very legalistic about prayer and have been “guilted” into spending time because it’s what you are supposed to do. I defined prayer narrowly as a time beginning with “Dear God…” or “Father…” and ending with “In Jesus Name, Amen.” My more substantial times of prayer still begin and end in that same manner, but I’m also learning to appreciate more the “attitude of prayer” peppered throughout my day. I used to be very upset about times of intercessory prayer when I would voice a concern for someone and then “wander off” thinking about them, how they must be feeling, how I could interact with them, or just their situation in general. I often do the same “wandering” in prayers for myself as well. When I finally caught myself in this “goose chasing distraction” I would beat myself up and apologize to God for wasting His time and mine and secretly wonder if I was ADHD. Other times, I would feel guilty about not praying enough for a person and their situation but there were times they were heavy on my heart and I would worry for them and because I didn’t begin and end in the traditional manner, I believed I wasn’t truly praying for them.
A couple of years ago through conversations with people I respect and my own self-analysis, I became comfortable with those times of wandering and worry because I recognized that inherent in those times was an assumption that God was/should/will be at work. I assumed God (without making an “ass out of you and me”) and believe the Holy Spirit directed those “distractions.”

Here's how Yancey puts it...

Prayer, according to one ancient definition, is "keeping company with God." I like that notion. It encompassess the epiphanies that happen during my day: turning a corner on a ski trail and seeing a gray fox skitter away, watching the pink alpenglow on the mountains as the sun sets, meeting an old friend at the grocery store. By incorporating those experiences into my prayers, I prolong and savor them so that they do not fall too quickly into my memory bank, or out of it... [according to Alan Ecclestone] "In prayer... you pause on the thing that has happened, you turn it over and over like a person examining a gift, you set it in the context of past and future, you mentally draw out its possibilities, you give the moment time to reveal what is embedded in it."

A Quarter of an Inch!

2007-06-21T22:03:00.000-05:00

I have been cutting my own hair for the last seven or eight years. The routine is simple, lay out a sheet of newspaper on the bathroom counter, take out the clippers with the quarter-inch guard already on it, and zip it over my balding head.

Monday morning I awakened around 6:15 after a weekend of restless nights and the weighty thoughts of a few clients I was going to see that day with whom I had been struggling or had been particularly burdened. I set out the newspaper (Baptist Standard sheets) and plugged in the clippers. I zipped the clippers from the bottom right corner of my scalp up to the top of my right ear. The hair fell on to the paper and I thought, "that seems like an awful lot of hair." I looked at my clippers, and there was no guard!!

I instantly panicked because I had been ribbing my wife for a while now about going to the skin and knew she hated the idea. "She's going to think I did this on purpose!" So with one strip of hair gone. I awakened her and looked down at her with wide eyes and said, "I think I messed up!" She grogily asked me what I was talking about, and I turned around to point to the patch of missing hair. She said, "Well, I guess there's not much you can do about it now." rolled over, and went back to sleep.

So, taking my wife's words of wisdom to heart, I completed the task. I never knew a quarter of an inch of hair added so much until now.

Ashton on the News

2007-06-14T16:09:00.000-05:00

Ashton was invited to be a part of a week-long mentoring program sponsored by the City of Abilene called MIMES. Click on the video to learn more about the program and to see my beautiful daughter on the news! Pay more careful attention when the story shifts to the zoo. Ashton is wearing a green shirt and is briefly interviewed. Enjoy!

My Aching Back!

2007-06-10T17:24:00.000-05:00

Well, we finally bit the proverbial "bullet" and purchased enough grass sod to start a front yard. Before the sod was delivered, we decided to use one pallet in the back just off our back porch to keep Holly (our chocolate lab) from tracking in a lot of dirt/mud. We have plans in the Fall, to spray in a big back yard and the north side of our house to round off the yard.

The big purple semi pulled up to our home at 9:00 AM and delivered 8 pallets of sod for us to lay before the day ended. The workers included my fabulous wife, mother-in-law, 12-year-old daughter, 9-year-old son, myself and two dear, dear, DEAR friends Corey and Dustin. Corey helped in the morning hours and Dustin showed up for the afternoon. Oh! I can't forget Scott who laid out the last 3 rectangles for us. The kids worked their little buns off for about 2 hours and were pretty much spent. The both headed to the showers and then to a swimming pool with friends.

By lunch, we had about 5 pallets!! Yeah for us!! I had to go show our old home to a prospective buyer around 3 and by the time I got back, Laurie and her mother had most of the back yard pallet emptied.

This morning we all got out of bed VERY gently. But we think it looks pretty good. We just need to keep it watered... hello high water bill!

The Man with the Horned-rimmed Glasses

2007-06-07T12:35:00.000-05:00

I have jumped on the "Heroes" bandwagon late. Fortunately I have been able to DVR most of the episodes via SciFi Channel marathon. When I watch a series like this I am VERY anal about watching all the episodes in order. Last night I started episode 17: Company Man and had to turn it off because it was late. This morning I finished watching it as I ate breakfast. By the end of my second cup of coffee, I was crying like a baby!

One thing you have to understand about me is that I am NOT a very emotionally expressive person when it comes to television and movies. The last time I remember crying in a movie was during Passion of the Christ. When Jesus looked at Peter across the courtyard after the denials, it tore me up! Well, today, Heroes had a very similar effect. If you are a fan of the show and have not gotten to episode 17 yet, DON'T READ THIS BLOG! There are major "spoilers."

For those of you who have not seen the show, a little background is important. You see, there is this "man with the horned-rimmed glasses" that is a supporting character. At the first of the series you think maybe he's the "evil villian -- Sylar" and then you get confused as to whether or not he is a "good guy" or a "bad guy." He's the father of "the cheerleader" Claire, but he is also very connected with an organization that captures these genetically mutated people and "tags" them with tracking devices. He knows about his daughter being one of these genetically mutated people and throughout you wonder if he is just waiting for the right time to get her, or if he really does care about her and is trying to protect her. His motives are always in question, and most of the time I thought he was just an evil man.

All your questions are answered in episode 17. You find out that he really does love his "Claire Bear" and has to make the ultimate sacrifice for her. In order to protect her, he submits to this mutated guy who has the ability to erase memories on varying levels (e.g. erase the day, erase a lifetime). The "man with the horned-rimmed glasses" knows that if he has any recollection of his 16 year-old daughter that his "company" could track her down and ultimately end her life. So he tells this memory eraser to "go deep and take everything out." It was a very emotional scene because Claire is with them and is begging him not to do it. He knows it's the only way to save her.

I sat there crying thinking about my own daughter, how much I love her, and how terrible it would be to have to scrape all memories away of her. The times I would push her on the swing, swim with her as she begged me to catch her "one more time" off the side of the pool, or just hear her call me "daddy" or "dad." That would be TERRIBLE!

We can learn a lot from "the man with the horned-rimmed glasses" about sacrificial love. A love that puts its object before his/her own desires and endures pain because it is what's best for the loved one.

Transcendence is Immanence

2007-06-04T15:29:00.000-05:00

I am currently reading Phillip Yancey's newest book, Prayer: Does it Make Any Difference? Yancey is one of my favorite Christian authors because he has an incredible balance of fundamental theology without being a fundamentalist. He is not afraid to ask tough questions and put them in print. One of his first books I read was Dissappointment with God. The title says it all.

This weekend the portion I read had to do with the "otherness" and magnitude of God and trying to understand it in terms of His affection for us. It has been my experience that we tend to vacilate between unhealthy extremes: God as our friend/buddy; and God as One to be Feared. Yancey explained that it is his "otherness" that allows him to be intimate. It is precisely because God is not bound by our earthly concept of time that he is able to attend to all of our prayers at once. In essence he was saying that it is His trancendence that enables Him to be immanent. That is a beautiful insight!

In the Eyes of Strangers

2007-05-30T10:14:00.000-05:00

This weekend my wonderful wife and I made a quick roadtrip to the Valley for the purpose of delivering a refrigerator to my mother. We also attended church with her.

Now for many of you reading this, attending church with your mother is not that big of a deal. For Laurie and I it was a new worship experience because my mother attends a congregation that is predominantly homosexual. The church meets in a rented storefront and there were about 20-25 people there that morning. My mother is a part of the praise team who leads out in worship through song. That morning, my mother's partner was asked to fill-in the pulpit for their pastor who was away, so as a show of support to her, Laurie and I decided to attend church with them.

Whenever I attend church I find it much easier to analyze and critique than to truly enter into worship, so it takes a concentrated effort for me to look past the distractions of who is sitting where and if the order of service seems too full or imbalanced and focus on the Audience of my Lord. This week I found it even more difficult to focus. Not because I was judging the people who gathered for worship or questioned their sincerity or genuineness of their faith, but because I was worried about what they must be thinking about me. I was sure they were looking at Laurie and I and either viewing us as spiritual "party crashers" or raising their defenses waiting for us to judge them assuming we were homophobic. I was VERY uncomfortable... at first.
I paused to say my own silent prayer asking God to focus my mind and attention on Him and to allow me to worship with and among this congregation.

It was a nice service. Cheri did a good job with her message. We took communion together and at the end of the service they had a moment of "sharing the peace of God with others" where the people greeted one another with a hug and the words, "may the peace of God be with you." Laurie and I got our fair share of hugs and one man chose to shake my hand and hug my wife (given the choice I'd do the same thing). I made a concerted effort to look people in the eye and hold their gaze with a smile as if to communicate, "I don't judge you." Quite often I found the same message in the eyes of those sharing the peace of God with me.