Sketchy thoughts pt. 1

I am trying to journal more and blog a little more, so I thought why not combine the two.  These "sketchy thoughts" are acting as my journal where I include a summary and personal insights to what I am studying.  This first one is an experiment and don't know if I am comfortable putting all this out in a blog format.  

"The Contemporary Christian" - John RW Stott

SUMMARY - Day One
The first section of the book centers around the idea that the Gospel is both divine in origin and relevant to humanity.  Therefore, Stott begins with an analysis of humanity.  In the beginning of this analysis he confronts the "human paradox" of humanity's goodness and depravity by asserting that there are at least 3 reasons it is important to ask about human nature.  These reasons are personal (a desire to know ourselves); professional (a desire to know those whom we serve); and political (shape our ideology -- method of engaging the world).  Stott concludes this introductory section seeking a balance in the paradox illustrated with a quote from J.S. Whale that directs the remainder of this section, "neither the easy optimism of the humanist, nor the dark pessimism of the cynic, but the radical realism of the Bible."

QUOTES I LIKE
"The universal cry is 'Who am I?' and 'Do I have any significance?'"
Coincidentally, this quote stands out to me for both personal and professional reasons.  Personally, the latter cry is one that I have on a consistent basis.  I want to know that my existence is meaningful.  This desire to be a tool of change and healing does is not completely as noble as it might seem at first reading.  I certainly do care about those in my life whether it be my family, friends, clients, and acquaintances, but there is also a selfish secondary gain that comes with that usefulness.  That gain validates my own value.  A friend once told me that he learned "no one is irreplaceable" and while he was speaking about a professional context, I fear it may be true of me in all contexts.  Therefore, there is a part of me that believes my value is based primarily on the service I can offer.  Furthermore, if that service ceases to be as consistent or valued, those in whom I am invested, will seek those services elsewhere.  This mentality is fear-driven rather than love-driven.  I live some of my life out of fear, and perform well, so that I can avoid the reality and intensity of that fear. So I have to come to terms with the reality that confronts my theology.   This is my own human paradox.  I know and understand the ideal that "we love because God first loved us" and "perfect love casts out fear", and much of the time I believe (or hope that) I serve out of those realities.  However, there is another side of me that is seeking to validate or earn the blessings I have been given.  I fight against grace.

"'ideologies... are really anthropologies'; they are different doctrines of man."
Paraphrased, "how we view the nature of humanity determines how we engage humanity."  On this front, I am confident that I can see the value and worth of other people.  As noted above, at times I have a hard time applying that same notion to myself.