More Than We Can Handle

The following is an unedited copy of an article I wrote for the Abilene Mental Health Association's series on integrating faith and psychology that will be published sometime in December in the Abilene Reporter News. This subject has been a pet-peeve of mine for some time.

=========================================

I know why we do it. We know and love someone who is experiencing grief related to a death or surviving a trauma of some sort and we want to offer words of encouragement and hope to let them know we love them and are hurting for them. For many people, being around those who are hurting is an uncomfortable experience so they reach for something to say that might break the tension they feel. One of the most common offerings given to those grieving is common Christian clichés that many believe are grounded biblically and therefore can bring comfort. One of the most common clichés given is “God will never give you more than you can handle.” This statement is going to be examined along two levels. The first level is looking at the biblical basis for the cliché and the second is following the logic of the cliché and assessing whether or not we are expressing what is true and helpful to those grieving.

“God will never give us more than we can handle.” The only place in scripture I can find any semblance of support for this sentiment is in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that reads: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (NIV, emphasis mine). This text speaks of temptation and not trial. James’ epistle speaks of trials as a testing of our faith, not a testing of our own strength. The life of faith is a life to be lived dependent upon God’s work in and through us. In fact, it seems to be a central theme to the whole of scripture that God consistently gives us more than we can handle because when we recognize we cannot handle our circumstances, we are open to recognizing our God who can handle any and all of our suffering and pain. Consider the Old Testament account of the 12 spies sent to investigate the Promised Land. Ten of the spies returned discouraged believing the land would never be theirs as God had promised because the men were like giants. Two of the spies, the faithful spies (Caleb and Joshua) focused rather on God’s ability not man’s inability. The message of this cliché seems to be that it is God’s role to filter through trials, protect us against those that are too tough for us, and allow only those we are strong enough to bear. While God is in the equation of this cliché, the focus of the cliché is on us and our ability which, again, seems contrary to a life of faith.

Evangelist Richard Jackson has said that God often does not get enough credit for things he is responsible for, and often gets too much blame for things He is not. It is this sentiment that fuels my examination of these cliché’s. If we are to offer words of comfort, let’s make sure they are genuine representatives of God in our suffering. The place of God in our suffering is with us and in us via His Holy Spirit. In this example of God’s presence with us, that we can find how to truly be a comforter in the lives of those we love. Honestly, the best comfort most people can give is not in their words of wisdom, but in their presence. The Jewish people have a tradition of “Sitting Shiva” for those who are grieving. In this practice a person is simply being present. There is no pressure to speak or act, simply to be. The presence of one person who cares is more powerful than a book filled with clichés.

Never Be the Same

I believe it was the spring of 1990, I was a junior in college and one of the professors (that I considered more of a mentor) recommended attending a retreat called "This is The Life." The purpose of this retreat was to explore and illuminate truth of "Christ in you, the hope of Glory." I remember much about this retreat, the location, much of the teaching, and even the name of the main speaker/pastor. However, the one person at this retreat that had the most lasting and recurring impact on my life was the somewhat awkward but pleasant worship leader. His name was Kevin Walker. I don't remember any of the songs he sang, and honestly, his voice was not one that impressed me. What did impress me was the joy in which he not only led in singing, but engaged me and others around him.

Two years later, I went to serve as a Youth Pastor at the East Side Baptist Church in Haskell, Texas. I quickly found out that like most churches there was always that "one" youth minister that seemed to be legendary. East Side's legendary youth minister happened to be Kevin Walker. While this church had a history of high turn-over in youth ministers, Kevin was one that not only served for a stable and consistent period of time, he was infectious. People young and old were drawn to his joy and his love of Christ. For the nearly 5 years I served at that church I often felt the weight of his shadow and was honored when positive comparisons were drawn between he and I.

Because of this connection through East Side, our paths crossed on many occasions and I had the pleasure of not only just "hanging out" with Kevin, but being led in worship by him. Those of you who know me well, know that I am not a mystical or an overly emotionally driven person when it comes to issues of faith. With that clarification in mind, I can honestly tell you that there was something unique about being led in worship by Kevin Walker. The only word that can describe it is "anointed." As he sang and led us to sing, my soul was stirred. It is rare to encounter this. It is not the emotion of sentiment driving it, or even the "hook" of the music. It is the genuine outpouring of the Holy Spirit from Kevin to those being led. I have no other explanation.

Last Sunday, after awakening and getting ready for church, I checked my email. I received an message from a friend informing me that Kevin had lost a long, hard-fought battle with cancer. I had known of his illness and prayed for him, but honestly believed he would be healed -- that the medications would have their desired effect, or a miracle would occur. In a way, a miracle did occur. Kevin is now face-to-face with our Savior. The one of whom he sang, is visible to him.

My Facebook status that day read, "I know one day I will be able to worship with Kevin Walker again, but until that day, my heart mourns." My heart does mourn. As I sat down to this keyboard to compose this post, I had Kevin's latest CD playing. The song was "Never Be the Same." While I know Kevin was singing about how an encounter with Christ leaves one different, I could not help but think how Christ in Kevin has left me to "Never be the Same."