Never Be the Same

I believe it was the spring of 1990, I was a junior in college and one of the professors (that I considered more of a mentor) recommended attending a retreat called "This is The Life." The purpose of this retreat was to explore and illuminate truth of "Christ in you, the hope of Glory." I remember much about this retreat, the location, much of the teaching, and even the name of the main speaker/pastor. However, the one person at this retreat that had the most lasting and recurring impact on my life was the somewhat awkward but pleasant worship leader. His name was Kevin Walker. I don't remember any of the songs he sang, and honestly, his voice was not one that impressed me. What did impress me was the joy in which he not only led in singing, but engaged me and others around him.

Two years later, I went to serve as a Youth Pastor at the East Side Baptist Church in Haskell, Texas. I quickly found out that like most churches there was always that "one" youth minister that seemed to be legendary. East Side's legendary youth minister happened to be Kevin Walker. While this church had a history of high turn-over in youth ministers, Kevin was one that not only served for a stable and consistent period of time, he was infectious. People young and old were drawn to his joy and his love of Christ. For the nearly 5 years I served at that church I often felt the weight of his shadow and was honored when positive comparisons were drawn between he and I.

Because of this connection through East Side, our paths crossed on many occasions and I had the pleasure of not only just "hanging out" with Kevin, but being led in worship by him. Those of you who know me well, know that I am not a mystical or an overly emotionally driven person when it comes to issues of faith. With that clarification in mind, I can honestly tell you that there was something unique about being led in worship by Kevin Walker. The only word that can describe it is "anointed." As he sang and led us to sing, my soul was stirred. It is rare to encounter this. It is not the emotion of sentiment driving it, or even the "hook" of the music. It is the genuine outpouring of the Holy Spirit from Kevin to those being led. I have no other explanation.

Last Sunday, after awakening and getting ready for church, I checked my email. I received an message from a friend informing me that Kevin had lost a long, hard-fought battle with cancer. I had known of his illness and prayed for him, but honestly believed he would be healed -- that the medications would have their desired effect, or a miracle would occur. In a way, a miracle did occur. Kevin is now face-to-face with our Savior. The one of whom he sang, is visible to him.

My Facebook status that day read, "I know one day I will be able to worship with Kevin Walker again, but until that day, my heart mourns." My heart does mourn. As I sat down to this keyboard to compose this post, I had Kevin's latest CD playing. The song was "Never Be the Same." While I know Kevin was singing about how an encounter with Christ leaves one different, I could not help but think how Christ in Kevin has left me to "Never be the Same."

Presence

"When I am tempted to complain about God's lack of presence, I remind myself that God has much more reason to complain about my lack of presence."

Initially, when I read that statement, I interpreted it legalistically (e.g. "You're not spending enough time in prayer or Bible study."). While that is partially true, that is a narrow definition of "presence." Do I expect God to only be present when I am in prayer, Bible study, or at church? That is PART of the equation, but certainly not the whole.

To think of "presence" relationally I think about being engaged both emotionally and physically. I can be physically present at home but tune everyone out via television, reading, or getting on the internet. In essence -- ignoring my family with whom I am physically present.

I don't like it when it seems like God is ignoring me. I also know how often I ignore Him. As life is being lived with the presence of the Holy Spirit within me, I ignore His voice. Ironically, that's one more thing that requires His attention in me and mine in Him to overcome.