I've Got Issues...

I debated on what to title this posting. "Bathroom Issues" and "Urine for Quite a Story" were other possibilities. Alas, I just chose to own the issues.

You see, I do have issues that involve public restrooms and urine tests (not necessarily at the same time). When it comes to the former, I have what can only be characterized as "performance anxiety." I may have to really use the restroom, but just as someone else walks in prior to beginning the task, the urgency immediately leaves me for another 30 minutes. If a bathroom is crowded, I am much more comfortable in the stall rather than at the urinal and if someone is WAITING on me, that pressure makes my bladder pressure far less. I'm not sure where this originated in my psyche, but I'm sure part of the puzzle includes my grandmother's childhood warning that most adults in public restrooms are probably child predators. Only, she used much more colorful language and somehow associated child predators with gay men. A crowded public restroom provokes much more anxiety in me than a gay man does.

Now the "urine test" anxiety is easy to trace. As a preteen (approximately age 12) I was going to have minor surgery which required the "pre-op" blood and urine tests. However, I was only told about the blood test. When I was handed the cup and told to "fill 'er up" I kind of panicked because I didn't have to go. In fact, I had used the restroom just prior to the test so it could be hours! So, as it happens, I stayed in the restroom about 30 minutes. About 15 minutes into it, I started drinking out of the faucet with still no luck. When the urge eventually hit me and I returned the cup, the nurse proceeded to kid me about how long it took which only exacerbated my embarrassment. Since that time, I have tried to be aware of when a urine specimen would be needed and drink plenty of water prior to the appointment which usually solves any potential problems.

Since I'm not on probation, parole, or drug-abuse recovery, I don't really have to worry about frequent urine tests. However, I did recently choose to get new life insurance which required a blood test. I'm beginning to understand now, that it is usually understood that "blood test" is code or shorthand for "blood and urine test." For some reason, most people fail to tell you that little detail as was the case this last week. I was told to fast in the morning so I did. My in-laws were in town and as I was leaving my father-in-law made a comment about having to "fill up one of those little cups." I again panicked because the appointment was in 15 minutes and I had no possibility of filling up on water. So, I did what any rational adult would do... I obsessed over it the whole time. Then when I knew the time was drawing near for the cup, I told the nurse about my issues. She handed me a bottle of water. I drank it in record time but now not only did I not have any pressure on my bladder, I was FREEZING which further expands my bladder. After Laurie went through all her questions and blood drawing, I decided I could give the cup a try. I was in there for what seemed like 20 minutes with the faucet running and focusing on distracting thoughts (like counting tiles, multiplication tables by 5's) but there was no hope felt. I exited the bathroom with an empty cup and asked the nurse if there was any possibility of coming back. She was only going to be in the office for another hour but she agreed and even gave me the vials so I wouldn't have to transport a sloshing cup in my car.

When I left the nurses office and arrived at my own office, I immediately needed to fill up the cup. I did. I returned the vials and then proceeded to have to pee every 30 minutes for the next few hours.

I've got issues.

One more thing...

In my post yesterday, I did not address the issue of how my faith is influencing this opinion. I agree again with Christine that as followers of Christ it is imperative that we "care for the widows and orphans" and in today's society that includes equal access to health care. I filter this imperative with the understanding that God typically gives us a choice to obey or not to obey. There will be consequences respective to our choices. Therefore, since God does not force us into obedience, I don't deem it appropriate for government to do so with regard to this issue.

Let me again explain that I am not in favor of keeping the health care system the same, nor am I in favor of Canadian-style "socialized medicine" there has to be a medium-ground solution.

Healthcare...A Response

A few days ago, I visited my friend Christine's blog where she discusses the issue of healthcare. I found myself mixed in my reaction to her opinions. Whenever this happens the analytical side of me (which unfortunately is pretty big) kicks in and I try to figure out why I had that kind of response.

The short version is that there were parts of her posting that I very MUCH agreed with such as the idiotic insurance system that will cover everything except those things for which you specifically need healthcare and charge not only the proverbial "arm and leg" but also the whole of your lower torso. An example is my own son who has asthma and when we attempted to get them independent health care, the insurance company said they would not cover any respiratory issues. Duh!

Another point of agreement was the inherent value of all children and the need for an egalitarian system for children. Having worked with people in poverty I also recognized that young adults who are not pregnant are one of the populations that seems to "fall through the cracks" of our current system if they are impoverished or even middle-class without employment benefits.

My main disagreement with Christine's position is the means to the end. While she never specifically comes out and says it, the clear implcation is that she is in support of any political candidate who will make this issue a priority which ultimately means a tax in order to fund the program. I fully recognize that my thinking here is somewhat idealistic because while I applaude Christine's willingness to make a sacrifice, and I would hope given the opportunity, our family would do the same, I have a problem with the government forcing people to contribute through a tax increase or new tax.

Surely, there is some kind of medium ground solution that would provide incentives to the public (esp. the wealthy and corporations) to contribute to such a program. Somehow making the process voluntary while at the same time appealing to those who may not be completely pure of heart. I also believe there is a whole lot of WASTEFUL spending that could be curbed and those funds could be used for important issues such as this.

I am not a politician, nor am I the son of a politician, so I don't have an understanding of the intriciacies of the possibility or probability of such a compromise, but I do agree with Christine that something HAS to be done. I am including a link below to her posting.

http://christinemoers.blogspot.com/2008/02/christine-on-issues-health-care.html

Appreciation

I can't believe I am beginning a blog posting about American Idol... I have never been a consistent watcher of the show. I usually watch the auditions for comedic and voyeristic reasons, and then I'll probably watch the last few weeks. This season, I'm hooked. There is an incredible amount of talent, but there is only one contestant that truly has my attention. (However, I must also note, that no one has my vote because I'm just not going to pay for the text message. Call me cheap. I've been called worse). The one contestant that has my attention is 17-year old David Archuleta. Not only is he one of the top 3 in talent among the guys, he seems to genuinely appreciate this experience. He is confident but not arrogant. There is no sense of "entitlement" to his personality. David truly seems to be cherrishing this experience with humility. I find that refreshing.

I see the same kind of appreciation in professional artist/songwriter Taylor Swift. At this point in their careers, David and Taylor seem to be having fun and not being sucked in by the hype and/or success garnered them by the media and fans. I hope they don't lose it. I hope they don't believe the stories written about them and become full-fledge member of the entertainment industry complete with the attitude that common Americans are blessed to be around them and they now somehow deserve lavish gifts. I still want them to offer to pay for their meals and not expect for the tab to be written off by the restraunt because the establishment is fortunate to have them dine there. I hope they keep their witts about them and their egos in check.

I know its premature to count Archuleta among the ranks of Swift, but my guess is, he is going to stay in the competition a very long time and the innocense can be lost and entitlement found even in the midst of all the hype and success of the show.

I hate to see innocense lost.

Presence

"When I am tempted to complain about God's lack of presence, I remind myself that God has much more reason to complain about my lack of presence."

Initially, when I read that statement, I interpreted it legalistically (e.g. "You're not spending enough time in prayer or Bible study."). While that is partially true, that is a narrow definition of "presence." Do I expect God to only be present when I am in prayer, Bible study, or at church? That is PART of the equation, but certainly not the whole.

To think of "presence" relationally I think about being engaged both emotionally and physically. I can be physically present at home but tune everyone out via television, reading, or getting on the internet. In essence -- ignoring my family with whom I am physically present.

I don't like it when it seems like God is ignoring me. I also know how often I ignore Him. As life is being lived with the presence of the Holy Spirit within me, I ignore His voice. Ironically, that's one more thing that requires His attention in me and mine in Him to overcome.

Lights Out

My alarm sounded at 6:30 AM yesterday morning. Actually, it was 6:20 because I'm one of those people who believes in the self-deceptive notion of setting your alarm clock ahead 10 minutes to get you out of bed faster and earlier. I hit the snooze (self-deception doesn't really work). I awakened spontaneously at 6:40 (real time) but didn't know it was 6:40 because our electricity had gone out. Thank God for creating the iPhone and my incredible wife for giving me one because I was able to use it to check weather and time. The bright screen display served well as a flashlight until I could find a real one. I also used this nifty iPhone to call my mother-in-law to ask if she would watch the local morning news for any possible school closures or late starts. There were none. I looked out all the windows at the homes around us and realized it was not just our home that had lost electricity. I could see candle light glimmering in the hazy bathroom windows of a couple of neighbors and felt better knowing we weren't the only ones. Existential group therapists call this a sense of universality (e.g. recognizing you are not the ONLY ONE who suffers from the same affliction).

So, I spent the morning getting ready with the aid of a flashlight. Shaving was a real adventure! Clothes had to be the ones that didn't need ironing and figuring that out in the dark is quite entertaining. Seth was sick and Laurie was staying home with him so I had to be extra careful and quiet, too so as not to wake them. I went out on the back porch to see if by chance I had actually left some fire wood underneath where it would be dry and my family would not freeze. I got bundled up in my coat and went out to the garage to find my gloves in case I had to gather wood from the bottom of the pile. Fortunately, there was wood! Unfortunately, the starter log was barely staying lit. I tried tissue paper, but it was quickly burnt and did nothing to the starter log. I sat there in front of the fireplace attempting to "will" the fire to accelerate and wondering what "plan B" might be (lighter fluid maybe? Mmmmm... naw!). After starting the other end of the log, the fire finally took shape. Keep in mind all this was being done in darkness and early dusk with only my flashlight to guide me. Seth was awake by this time and asked if he could blow on the fire. I let him.

As I was getting ready and starting the fire, all these realizations came to me like, "I can't make coffee!" and "Oh, man, the garage door has to be lifted manually!"

The sun rose and it was now about 8:00. There were 3 electric company trucks in the street, and approximately 30 minutes earlier I had received a phone call from our across the street neighbor telling us they had power. The other homes in the neighborhood still had no illumination (I'm still not the only one suffering!). So I go out to the garage. One must understand that our suburban BARELY fits in the garage. There is no room to go behind it and unlatch the garage door, so I have to crawl around the front of the vehicle over stuff that has accumulated, unlatch the garage door from the electronic track, and lift the heavy door open. As I make my way back to the door to our house that leads into the garage, I notice the battery for my drill on the charger. I also notice that there is now a little green light indicating the charge is complete. Wait a minute! A little green LIGHT! I did a double-take and then walked up to the house door and next to the door is the doorbell looking thing that is pushed to raise the garage door. It now has it's red back-lights illuminated and I notice the house next door now has it's back porch lights illuminated. I walk into the house knowing I need to go back out, shut the garage door manually and make sure the latch fits just perfect in that little slit that keeps it on track. As I enter the house I hear my son LAUGHING and telling his sister, "... and Dad just raised the garage door manually!" Thanks for sharing in my suffering, son.

Not So Much...

I fully recognize that January is half over. I also recognize that this post is nearly 2 months after the last post. Both of these recognitions are reflective of my New Year's resolution.

As I pondered the traditional resolutions - losing weight, getting in shape, being more consistent with spiritual disciplines, blogging more consistently -- a flaw in much of our thinking this time of year came into focus. It seems most of us believe that in order to have self-improvement, we are to "DO" more. This insight became most clear as I started planning for my resolutions. Trying to find time in an already stretched schedule just created more stress.

Therefore, it is my resolution for self-improvement to do nothing new. When I can exercise, I will. I will continue to eat the same way I have been. I will not look at the date of my last blog posting and compare my inconsistency with those who blog nearly every day. One thing I will do is relax (e.g. do NOTHING) with my family. I will continue to enjoy the presence of God through prayer and personal study without the notion that I need to do MORE. I will do less in order to become more.